Category: Parody Place

[par-uh-dee] noun: A humorous or satirical imitation of a serious topic. Example: As a societal observer, it is increasingly difficult to distinguish real stories from parody because we have rounded the cultural corner where truth really is stranger than fiction.

FLOTUS Interviewed by Mueller Team

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MSNBC and CNN are reporting that Special Counsel Robert Mueller has now zeroed in on a surprising new target in his ongoing search to prove collusion between Russia and the Trump campaign team.

Acting on an anonymous tip forwarded and subsequently denied by former CIA Director John Brennan, two members of Mueller’s investigative team quietly pursued their newest lead when they recently interviewed First Lady Melania Trump.

The popular First Lady was interviewed at the Walter Reed National Medical Center where she remains after recently undergoing a successful embolization procedure to treat a benign kidney condition.

Special Counsel Spokesman Peter Carr insisted the visit by Mueller’s prosecutors was conducted as a non-invasive investigative procedure, but that perception may change once the public weighs in on this stunning new development.

The White House has declined to elaborate on the First Lady’s condition or its reaction to her uninvited visitors, but both MSNBC and CNN are offering an incredible theory: specifically, the First Lady wasn’t at Walter Reed for kidney treatment at all!

According to CNN’s usual impeccable anonymous sources, Melania Trump was actually implanted with a revolutionary digital device that will give her the ability to download and transmit Democratic emails from anywhere on the North American continent.

To begin a download, she merely clicks the heels of her Jimmy Choo shoes together three times. To transmit, she clicks them together twice, waits a beat, and then clicks twice more.

CNN’s Jim Acosta also reports Bill Nuy the Science Guy said it would be easy for Jimmy Choo shoe techs to program the Romy 60 Lace Pumps Mrs. Trump favors to download and transmit encrypted emails anywhere in Russia, China, or unsecured home brew email servers anywhere.

In another development, Mueller’s team was also reportedly chasing another lead involving a member of the First Lady’s Walter Reed medical team.  Nikolay Orlov, the anesthesiologist that assisted with the First Lady’s kidney procedure, is a fifth-generation Russian-American.

Aha!

Carr said there was much work yet for the Special Counsel’s team to do before adding, “We remain confident that the team’s hard work and pledge to follow the evidence wherever it leads will help our country get to the truth because the American people deserve no less.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. For those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country, welcome. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who tolerate everything but free speech and conservative ideals, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Photo sources: vox.com, footwearnews.com, jimmychoo.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

Diamond and Silk May Have Company

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Trump stalwarts Diamond and Silk best watch out because the Democrats have announced a counter-insurgency plan to the popular conservative social media personalities.

California Representative Maxine Waters (D) and CNN White House correspondent April Ryan are preparing an online act to counter Diamond and Silk’s enthusiastic support for President Donald Trump.

Maxine “‘Peach 45” Waters

Inside sources wishing to remain anonymous say Waters and Ryan will soon be tweeting, liking, pinning, and posting under the name Diatribe and Sludge.

As previously reported in this blog space, Waters has been calling for Trump’s impeachment 18 months before his surprising election win.

“Damn this president,” Waters told a meeting of organized labor last Sunday.

Stating that Trump is no friend to organized labor, “‘Peach 45” has also called the country’s 45th president “a liar,” “a danger,” and “the most deplorable person” she has met.

Mirror, mirror, off the wall…

April (PieGate) Ryan

April Ryan has been covering the White House since 1997 as a reporter for the American Urban Radio Network.  During President Barack Obama’s two terms she covered for the White House during various administration scandals.

Last year she became a regular contributor for CNN and is believed to be the only reporter for that network who hasn’t filed a story about missing Malaysian Airlines Flight 370.

In 2017 she was named the Journalist of the Year by the National Association of Black Journalists since she met that organization’s primary requirements: she’s black and she’s a journalist.

During Trump’s 16 months in office Ryan has gained a reputation as a feisty reporter. Translation: she asks stupid questions.

She was in the middle of #PieGate, questioned whether President Trump supports slavery, and most recently asked whether the president has considered resigning because of the Mueller Trump-Russian collusion clown show.

One well known Republican pollster estimates the Diatribe and Sludge Tour could be worth two to three points for Republican House and Senate candidates this fall.

Dates and ticket prices for the Diatribe and Sludge show are expected to be announced soon.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. For those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country, welcome. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who tolerate everything but free speech and conservative ideals, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 
Sources: dailycaller.com, foxnews.com
Photo sources: breitbart.com, rawstory.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

Dems Announce Plan to Sue Selves

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MANHATTAN, NY  Last Friday the Democrat National Committee filed a lawsuit in federal court alleging a conspiracy by the Trump campaign, Russia and WikiLeaks to sabotage nominee Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign chances in favor of Donald Trump.

The complaint accused top Trump campaign officials of colluding with Russia to force Clinton to take naps, overindulge in Chardonnay and forego campaigning in key battleground states Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin.

“This constituted an act of unprecedented treachery: the campaign of a nominee for President of the United States in league with a hostile foreign power to bolster its own chance to win the presidency,” Democrat National Committee Chairman Tom Perez said.

On Monday Perez surprised Republicans again when he filed a second suit in the same Manhattan court, this one announcing the DNC’s plan to sue themselves – specifically 2016 Democrat nominee Hillary Clinton.

“We’d been considering this for several weeks, but the deciding factor was when Congressman Nunes (House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence Chairman R-California), suggested if we really wanted to get to the bottom of Russian collusion ‘we ought to be suing ourselves,’” Perez told gathered reporters.

“Even though Nunes is a Republican, he’s better versed on the Russian collusion narrative than Democrats are – even though we helped pay for it,” Perez admitted candidly.

When asked on Sunday by ABC’s George Stephanopolous if the two lawsuits might distract Democrats from the 2018 elections, Perez calmly reached for a stick of gum.

“One of the reasons we’re winning is because people believe that we should stand up for our democracy. That’s what we’re doing in this lawsuit, George. We can walk and chew gum – see,” Perez demonstrated by walking repeatedly in a tight circle while chomping gum.

According to the court papers filed Monday, the DNC claims in their lawsuit:

• After getting the Democratic nomination, Hillary Clinton failed to campaign as vigorously as she should have when Russian agents surreptitiously replaced her Napa Valley wine with Molotov cocktails;

• Clinton rigged the Democratic nomination by stealing votes from primary opponent Bernie Sanders through manipulation of the super delegate process. She also was charged with bribing Sanders with a third home on Lake Champlain and a free lifetime supply of Ben and Jerry’s;

• Clinton was also charged with misappropriating millions of dollars in DNC donated funds, channeling those to her own campaign and a state-of-the-art email server that would wipe itself – with a cloth.

The Republican National Committee had no comment, although anonymous sources did confirm lots of hooting and guffawing whenever the lawsuit was mentioned.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Sources: truth-out.org

Photo sources: rabble.com, breitbart.com, businessinsider.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

Magoo and Clouseau To Help Mueller

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On Thursday the White House announced that two-time New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani was joining the president’s legal team, along with Marty and Jane Raskin of the Florida-based law firm Raskin & Raskin.

Today Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s office followed suit with a surprise announcement of its own.

Mueller spokesman Peter Carr announced two late additions to Mueller’s legal team: J. Quincy Magoo and French legal legend Jacques Clouseau.

Magoo is known as a flighty but tenacious prosecutor who has enjoyed uncanny luck throughout his storied career.

He has proven experience in maneuvering around all kinds of obstacles and his seemingly random meanderings often provide unique perspectives that have helped him ferret out details others miss.

Clouseau is a legend in his native France. He has been in professional law enforcement since the late 1960’s and has a storied reputation for his unorthodox methods.

As an inspector for the French Sûreté, his greatest notoriety occurred when he single-handedly solved a string of high profile thefts involving some of that country’s most influential and wealthiest families.

When asked why Mueller was seeking the services of the famed French law enforcement legend, Carr replied that the two met by happenstance last month when Inspector Clouseau’s water skis got entangled with Mueller’s Russian collusion fishing expedition off the coast of Seychelles.

According to Carr, Magoo was hired a week later after wandering into Mueller’s office mumbling about President Trump’s tweets and Russian caviar. Mueller took that as an omen that Magoo was perfect for his team.

Mueller said through Carr that his team was elated to welcome the legendary pair to his team.

“We are thrilled to have Quincy and Jacques join us in this endeavor,” Mueller said. “We’re confident their unique experience will help us connect the dots in proving Trump’s Russian collusion once and for all.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Source: youtube.com
Photo source: Photo sources: imdb.com, pinterest.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

Trump Derangement Syndrome & STDs

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It’s no secret that millions of impassioned Americans who share a vehement dislike of President Trump suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome, or TDS.

Since November 2016, TDS has been prevalent throughout several populous blue states, reaching crisis levels in cities like New York, Chicago and Los Angeles.

For readers who have witnessed these anti-Trump fits on TV or online, it’s apparent that if left untreated, anti-Trumpers often exhibit a wide range of disturbing behaviors.

According to new research at the Centers for Disease and Control (CDC), TDS bears a consensual relationship to another group of well known diseases that spread rapidly on careless contact: specifically, sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs.

Like STDs, TDS can result in fever, abdominal pain, ulcers, a burning discomfort and swollen glands – ostensibly from howling at the moon.

While America’s opioid crisis has garnered much of the nation’s attention and resources, thousands of TDS sufferers are experiencing delusions of a Trump impeachment, a time continuum disorder with an imagined return to Obama’s failed social and economic policies, and Hillary assuming her fantasy role as America’s first female president.

Fortunately, CDC researchers believe they have a cure for those suffering from TDS – that is, if they are willing to abandon their safe spaces, accept safety locks on their microaggression triggers and refrain from acting out on dark fantasies involving the president.

“We found that daily doses of Fox News twice daily, along with regular readings of conservative columnists like Kurt Schlichter and Ann Coulter, and one-hour of listening to Rush Limbaugh every day, significantly helps dull the pain and burning of TDS,” said CDC lead researcher Seymour Winning.

“Over half of our test subjects even reported experiencing fewer delusions that the world is ending and a newfound appreciation for the Bill of Rights and the Constitution,” Winning added.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

 

Sources: odnnews.com
Photo sources: infowars.com, 

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

Man Banned for Female Empathy

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MOUNT HOLYOKE COLLEGE, MASSACHUSETTS

If gender really is a social construct and being non-binary is optional, why would a school known for celebrating its gender neutral diversity ban a man with a strong empathy towards women?

Lindsey Mack chose to apply at Mount Holyoke College because of the school’s reputation as the most inclusive women’s school in the country.

Sadly, xe has learned that is not the case.  According to their website, Mount Holyoke accepts:

  • Biologically born female; identifies as a woman
  • Biologically born female; identifies as a man
  • Biologically born female; identifies as other/they/ze
  • Biologically born female; does not identify as either woman or man
  • Biologically born male; identifies as woman
  • Biologically born male; identifies as other/they/ze and when “other/they” identity includes woman
  • Biologically born with both male and female anatomy (Intersex); identifies as a woman

Mount Holyoke does not accept biologically born males identifying as men, but Lindsey learned there is one other category Mount Holyoke does not accept: men brimming with toxic masculinity and enough testosterone to form a special forces unit – by themselves – but who empathize with women.

Apparently the whole gender is a social construct theory only applies to females, females who want to be male and female wannabes.

“What the college doesn’t understand is I grew up with seven sisters and one bathroom for all of us. That experience gave me a unique perspective and understanding of women that a lot of dudes don’t have, I’ll tell you,” Lindsey said.

On Lindsey’s application form xe dotted all the “i’s” and crossed all the “t”s – or in this instance would that be dotted the “t’s” and crossed the “i’s?

Whatever, Lindsey ran the non-conformist gender gauntlet successfully and was accepted until xe arrived on campus.

It was then that xyr lifelong dream of attending a women’s college met the brick wall of prejudice and bigotry.  In the short time it took for xyr to saunter the campus and ask directions to the administration office, multiple cases of swooning began.

The Mount Holyoke nurse’s office treated 16 cases of swooning during Lindsey’s brief visit, including Mount Holyoke’s Dean of Students and an embarrassed Admissions Director who reportedly gasped in awe when Lindsey strode purposefully into her office.

Mount Holyoke says on its website:

“Diversity and inclusion is about understanding our multiple identities through the lens of social justice education, ally development, and identity development.”

Unfortunately Lindsey Mack’s disappointing experience proved an exception to the school’s gender diversity rules. Men who respect women and relate to them are not allowed – unless they are gay or transsexual.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs.  Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country.  For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

Sources: vox.com, mtholyoke.edu, cnsnews.com

Photo source: pinterest.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

McCabes’ Launching ‘Go Fund Us’ 2

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Fired former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe and wife Jill were overwhelmed by the generosity of Americans recently contributing to his legal defense through the popular Go Fund Me program.

“The support we received in such a short period was simply overwhelming,” McCabe told a recent throng of reporters.  “Jill and I were stunned and extraordinarily grateful for the outpouring of support.”

McCabe’s believed net worth: $4 million

McCabe was terminated by Attorney General Jeff Sessions on March 16th based on recommendations from the Inspector General, the findings of the FBI Office of Professional Responsibility and current FBI Director Christopher Wray.

The decision to dismiss McCabe was based on investigators’ belief that he lied on at least four separate occasions to investigators and former FBI Director James Comey.

McCabe’s Barnum & Bailey promotional team launched a Go Fund Me page March 29 with the goal of raising $150,000 for his upcoming legal defense needs.  To the astonishment of many, McCabe’s group raised $551,186 in just four days from 13,169 different people.

“I never imagined that I would need to rely on this type of assistance,” he said, wiping a tear from his eye.

Escorted out of FBI headquarters January 29

The grateful McCabe’s were so pleased at the charity and goodwill of the American people they have announced another opportunity to contribute to their family’s coffers, but this fundraiser comes with a playful twist.

“We thought it would be fun to allow contributors a choice as to where their donations go,” said Dr. Jill McCabe, a pediatrician, hospital administrator and medical director for three departments at Inova Loudoun Hospital in Leesburg, Virginia.

Choices include: college tuition and housing for the McCabes’ kids, remodeling the kitchen in their $715,000 home and adding new appliances, or a one-way ticket to a tropical country with no extradition treaty with the U.S.

“Hopefully our efforts, fueled by this incredible support, will encourage others to stand up for themselves, and the truth, as well,” McCabe said.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Sources: washingtonexaminer.com, GoFundMe.com, theblaze.com, drjillmcabe.com, biographybd.com

Photo source: GoFundMe.com, dailycaller.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

 

 

 

Whole Hogg on Bridging Differences

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Parkland Florida high school senior anti-gun provocateur David Hogg has reached agreement with quick-on-the-draw Fox News Channel host Laura Ingraham on a way to settle their recent political differences: a robust round of two-handed bridge.

In two-handed bridge the competitors play with imaginary partners.  Hogg says his imaginary partner will be Saul Alinsky, while Ingraham announced hers will be Rambo.

David (No Guns) Hogg & Laura (Blazing Guns) Ingraham

The pair reportedly considered a number of competitions before settling on the non-lethal card game.  Ingraham proposed laser tag, dodge ball and skeet shooting.  Hogg shot down all three options in a testy tirade, labeling all three Ingraham suggestions as too violent.

“A bully is a bully, and Ingraham is a bully that won’t change her stripes,” Hogg said in a confusing mixed metaphor.

Ingraham wryly suggested a waiting period and background checks on Hogg’s future use of metaphors may be needed before he shoots his mouth off again.

Hogg suggested  he and Ingraham square off in Trivial Pursuit (1990’s edition), a Dance Off or a lip syncing competition to be judged by Simon Cowell and two judges to be chosen based on a poll of his social media followers.

No date has been announced for the Hogg-Ingraham Bridge Challenge, but both competitors say they are looking forward to it.

“That blonde bit#$ is all about guns and building f*#$@%! walls, but let’s see how she deals with my generation’s choice of building god$@! bridges that remove guns and bring all of us together,” Hogg said in a recent tweet. “And f#@! the NRA.”

Ingraham also sounded feisty on the topic of their upcoming competition.

“I’ve apologized more than once to this jackboot marching little snowflake, and it’s obvious that he’s not interested in forgiveness or a sincere apology, but extracting the maximum amount of flesh he can from his expiring 15-minutes of fame.

“Fine.  I played a lot of bridge at Dartmouth and the University of Virginia School of Law – neither of which are schools he’ll ever be able to get into,” she said, eyes flashing defiantly.

“And God bless the NRA.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Photo sources: thewrap.com, zazzle.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

Gov Brown Offers New Sanctuary Status

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Parody (noun): any humorous or satirical imitation as of a person, event, etc.

SACRAMENTO, CA – Department of Justice IG Michael Horowitz’s long awaited report on alleged misconduct by former FBI Director James Comey and others is expected soon, but two high ranking California officials have announced a plan to help protect several Obama administration officials believed to be named in that report.

California Gov Jerry Brown and former U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder today announced a new California sanctuary program called the Witless Protection Program, or WPP.

Details of the state-sponsored program have yet to be released, but it’s believed that former FBI officials like Comey, Deputy Director Andrew McCabe and counterintelligence agent Peter Strozk will be offered indefinite sanctuary and sustenance on the state taxpayers’ dime at 5-star hotels in San Francisco, Los Angeles and Beverly Hills.

This will reportedly allow them sanctuary against prosecution if a second Special Counsel pursues criminal charges based on recommendations in Horowitz’s findings, and the freedom to pursue their efforts at getting Hillary Clinton placed as President of the United States.

“Prosecuting high-level DOJ and FBI officials for simply doing the job of throwing a presidential election and sabotaging a duly elected president and his administration is a sad attempt to further divide and polarize America,” Gov Brown said at today’s press conference.

“These political stunts may be the norm in Washington, but they won’t work here in California,” he added emphatically.

Former AG Holder, who is acting as a legal consigliere for California in their efforts to oppose all-things Trump, had this to say:

“I want to use whatever skills I have, whatever notoriety I have, to be effective in opposing things that are, at the end of the day, just bad for the country,” former AG Holder told the media.

“Now is the time to be more visible. Now is the time to be heard. Now is the time to stand with those who know better than voters as to who should run this country and how it should be run.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs.  Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country.  For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Photo sources: americanthinker.com, US News & World Report

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

Snipe Fishing in Seychelles

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I’d read the media reports about Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s latest episode clambering down the Trump-Russian collusion rabbit hole – halfway across the world no less – but decided to check things out for myself.

Two days later I found Mueller and a small team of lawyers aboard a luxury yacht off the coast of Seychelles.  At least I assume they were lawyers.  Most were wearing loosened Brooks Brothers suit ties with their swim trunks and sunglasses.

Apparently his Special Counselness appreciated the time away as I found him jovial and receptive to my questions.

How’s the fishing?
“Worth the trip! We’ve had some promising nibbles of corruption and Russian cronyism since anchoring here.  It may look like we’re casting too wide a net here on the east coast of Africa looking for Trump’s Russian collusion, but it’s out there – we just know it!”

So you’re fishing for collusion?

“Oh yeah! That’s what taxpayers are paying us for. Don’t let the rumors we’ve gathered no proof the past year fool you.  The facts that the Russians tried to influence the last presidential campaign by bribing Trump and his campaign team is as plain as the fact Hillary would have won if it weren’t for some illegal leaking of classified information.”

Speaking of leaks, don’t you have that problem yourself?

“We’re leaking?! Omigosh, where’s the life preservers?!”

I was speaking about the leaks coming from your legal team. And isn’t it true that your hiring was based on your pal Jim Comey leaking classified information to a friend who in turn leaked to the New York Times?

“Look here.  We’ve got some excellent leads on Trump-Russian collusion that led us here to this remote island location far away from boring grand juries and Fox News.  Trust me; the president’s house of cards will be coming down as soon as we connect those dots our witnesses left us like bread crumbs on these pristine waters. Caviar?”

We know you are looking at Blackwater founder Erik Prince’s involvement with a United Arab Emirates contact.  Prince never held a formal role in the Trump campaign, transition team or the administration. What gives?

“We’re merely following the evidence where it leads, and specifically whether the UAE was trying to buy political influence by supporting the Trump campaign.  Vodka?”

You mean like Hillary Clinton was doing with donations to the Clinton Foundation?

“That’s not in our purview.  Our mandate is to prove collusion between Russia and Trump to unduly influence our election.  And we won’t quit our first class worldwide jet-setting, nosing in 20-year-old business deals and spending the taxpayers’ money until we do!  And that’s a promise you can take to the Clinton Foundation bank!”

So you’re trying to prove the president is guilty of what Hillary did, even though there’s plenty of evidence of Hillary’s complicity and absolutely none with Trump?

“Exactly!  Everyone knows Hillary’s guilty and the Clinton Foundation was a cash cow for her and Bill, so there’s no need for lawyers to prove any of that.  The money to be had in that case is proving their innocence and frankly, who wants that job?!”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs.  Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country.  For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Photo sources: fishinginseychelles.com, theonion.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

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