Category: Parody Place

[par-uh-dee] noun: A humorous or satirical imitation of a serious topic. Example: As a societal observer, it is increasingly difficult to distinguish real stories from parody because we have rounded the cultural corner where truth really is stranger than fiction.

Trump’s Yuge Presidents’ Day Sale

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To celebrate President’s Day 2020, President Donald Trump has announced plans for a week-long sale of historic proportions.

Beginning today the Trump Administration is offering unheard savings as evidenced by a reduction of the National Security Council staff by 50 percent.  You heard that right! All Obama-era holdovers must go and no bid is too low for a Never-Trump bureaucrat at this year’s Presidents’ Day Sale!

Voters enjoyed a two-for-one flash sale Friday when Army Lt. Col Alexander Vindman was escorted off the White Houses grounds and dismissed from the National Security Council.  Around the same time Vindman’s twin brother, Lt. Col. Yevgeny Vindman, also left the National Security Council.

In a political consumer event almost too big to believe,  later that same day the U.S. Ambassador to the European Union, Gordon Sondland, was recalled from his overseas position.

And that’s not all!  All bureaucrats bearing the Deep State label must go and no reasonable offer will be refused, says National Security Adviser Robert O’Brien.  O’Brien is promising more job cuts this week and the president has insisted that all Obama holdovers will be available on a first come, first subpoena-served basis.

If you’re in the market for an experienced backstabber, loquacious liar or illicit leaker, you must act fast to take advantage of this sensational Deep State Presidents’ Day Sale.

Hurry fast for best selection because President Trump has promised to make 2020 the biggest swamp draining event ever!  Once the rule of law is restored and these power-crazed Obama flunkies are gone, they’re gone for good!

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Photo sources: Jennings Chevrolet, Sun Sentinel

Copyright 2020, Dean A. George©

The Founding Fathers on Impeachment

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“Good evening viewers, and welcome to The Story.  I’m your host, Martha MacCallum, and we have a very special panel assembled tonight to discuss Washington’s hottest story:  the impeachment of President Donald Trump.

“Joining me tonight are three household names, at least for those who paid attention in high school history class.  Tonight we welcome three legendary Virginians – former president James Madison, George Mason, the author of Virginia’s Declaration of Rights, and Constitutional Convention delegate Edmund Randolph.

“Gentlemen, welcome to The Story. President Madison, let’s start with you, sir.  Your general impression of this historic impeachment of America’s 45th president?”

“In a word ma’am, ‘scandalous.’  This fiasco is a perfect example of why we set the bar for impeachment so high.  It was never intended to be used as a bludgeon and to be abused by someone like Mr. Pencil Neck and that saucy, slurring wench Pelosi.

“So you think these impeachment hearings don’t meet the criteria you and others intended?” MacCallum asked.

“Certainly not,” the diminutive fourth president exclaimed.  ‘Abuse of power’ and ‘obstruction of justice’ are hardly impeachable offenses as we designed them – even if they are brought by a congenital liar whose eyes look like he cheated the hangman more than once.

“Allow me to translate the impeachment articles as submitted by the House impeachment managers: Article 1: We detest Donald Trump, and Article 2:  We can’t beat Donald Trump at the ballot box.”

“And what say you, Mr. Mason?  Do you agree with President Madison’s assessment?” MacCallum asked.

“Quite, my dear,” Mason snorted. “The first article of impeachment, abuse of power, is so vague it could mean anything from the president tweeted fat jokes about Jerrold Nadler, to he entered Maxine Waters into the Westminster Dog Show.  It’s a preposterous charge…the articles of impeachment, I mean, not about entering Mrs. Waters into a dog show.

“And the second count, sir? Obstruction of Congress?” MacCallum queried.

“Balderdash!” Mason said vehemently.  “Defending yourself against rogue intelligence agents, slanderous members of Congress and a soft coup by ‘Deep State’ pencil pushers is hardly obstructing Congress.”

“Mr. Randolph, what about you? Your feelings on the nation’s third impeachment effort against a sitting president?” MacCallum asked Virginia’s seventh governor.

“It’s all incredulous,” Randolph said quietly. “From our unique vantage point as authors of the Constitution, its obvious that President Trump wasn’t soliciting interference in 2020, but rather was seeking a commitment from a country receiving American foreign aid as to whether illicit election interference occurred in 2016.”

“The whole kit and caboodle sounds like something Benedict Arnold would have done against George Washington!” he added disgustedly.

“Gentlemen, thank you for being here and for sharing your take on the Trump impeachment,” MacCallum said at the interview’s conclusion.  “I can’t let you go, though, without asking all of you about your opinion on the hit Broadway musical, Alexander Hamilton.

Almost as one the trio rolled their eyes before Madison replied, “Hamilton has been insufferable since that damnable show went live. Know what’s funny, though? Alex can’t carry a tune to save his life, and we all know that white men can’t dance!”

Photo source: wikipedia.com, history.com, salon.com

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Copyright 2020, Dean A. George©

Hasbro Suing NY Over Baleful Bail Reform Law

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PAWTUCKET, RI – Hasbro, Inc. recently announced plans to sue the state of New York over Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s new bail reform law.

Since Jan. 1 the state of New York has been allowing suspects accused of “non-violent” crimes to avoid jail without posting bail.  One alleged perpetrator had robbed six Chase banks in New York City neighborhoods between Dec. 30 and the time of this writing.

Each time he was released after what NYC mayor Bill DeBlasio called “involuntary withdrawals” from greedy, racist lending institutions.

Hasbro, a toy, board game and entertainment company with revenues of $5.2 billion, is bringing the suit against New York for copyright infringement.

Specifically, Hasbro claims that the new bail reform law essentially constitutes a get-out-of-jail-free card synonymous with the company’s classic board game, Monopoly.

“We feel we have no choice,” said Hasbro attorney R. U. Legal.  “This new bail reform law is estimated to set free at least 20,000 criminals during the first year alone.  That’s 20,000 people who may be scoping out Virginia Avenue, St. James Place or Marvin Gardens, surveiling houses and hotels – maybe even planning to rob the bank.”

Named in the suit is the state of New York, Gov Andrew Cuomo and state Attorney General Letitia James.  Cuomo spokesperson Rich Azzopardi said Hasbro was free to take a chance and roll the dice by bringing suit, but he didn’t expect they’d pass go and collect any damages.

Azzopardi added the state wasn’t going to be “railroaded” into revoking the new law.

“Gimme a break,” Azzopardi said with a dismissive gesture.  “It’s not like Hasbro as a monopoly on the whole get-out-of-jail-free game.”

Sources: nbcnews.com, foxnews.com, wnyt.com

Photo source: Yonkers Times

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Copyright 2020, Dean A. George©

Portland Enacts Nation’s First Green New Deal

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Welcome to 2020!  On January 1 Portland, Oregon officially became the first U.S. city to enact a Green New Deal carbon tax on business.

We’re dubious that’s what businesses fleeing Gavin Newsom’s California meant when saying they were seeking greener pastures than the Death Valley of Capitalism.

The Portland Clean Energy Community Benefits Initiative, or PCECBI, originally passed as a ballot initiative in 2018.  It includes a 1% surtax on big box retailers like Wal-Mart, Target and Home Depot because of climate change or something and represents “a larger political effort to reshape who calls the shots—and who benefits—in America’s whitest big city.”

According to Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler the retailers also deserve a surtax because they use too much plastic and don’t offer group discounts for Rose City Antifa, the oldest active Antifa group in the country.

The new initiative is designed to supply clean, efficient energy, provide rad jobs to people of color, and promote economic justice – presumably by taking from those who have to give to those who want more for doing less.

Mayor Wheeler is confident the city’s third attempt to pass a climate utopia tax will work after two failed attempts because the PCECBI bill enacted this year includes a new wrinkle: a mandate to suspend economic reality.

“PCECBI can thrive because the program won’t be measured by the strict financial metrics that utility-funded projects are measured by.  Instead, PCECBI projects can focus more on less easily measured health and climate benefits,” said group spokesperson Ora Ganic.

In other words, with no real accountability and millions of dollars available through a new surtax on retailers, Portland’s new, new, Green New Deal can’t fail.

“It’s a model for the rest of the nation,” Mayor Wheeler said. “A beacon and a testament to our community’s belief in doing things a different way.”

With city planning like this, how long before Portland at night time resembles North Korea?

Sources: thegatewaypundit

Photo sources: reddit.com, grist.org, oregonlive.com

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Copyright 2020, Dean A. George©

Trump Behind “Hairy” Conspiracy

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It’s only mid-August and conspiracy theories are in full bloom in the nation’s capitol. 

The “Gotcha” speculations are so profuse they outnumber human droppings in Nancy Botoxi’s Scat Francisco district.  Someone should create a spreadsheet to keep track.

Most recently is Jeffrey Epstein’s dubious “suicide.” The week before was the left blaming President Trump for the tragic mass shootings in El Paso and Dayton. 

Ongoing is the spurious impeachment proceedings by unhinged Democrats in the House of Representatives, both the “formal” and “informal” variety. 

I asked my Android personal digital assistant to define “informal impeachment proceeding” and it displayed an image of Jerry Nadler in Bermuda shorts sipping a Mai Tai.

Finally, there is Episode 4, Act 3, Scene 2 in the Russian Collusion Illusion.

Today there’s another “hairy” conspiracy that has so far gone unreported, and Dean Riffs has the exclusive details.

Donald Trump will soon be accused by rival presidential campaigns, the mainstream media and the loopy staff of Morning Joe and Rachel Maddow of “scripting” front runner Joe Biden’s gaffes through a nefarious new mode of sensory processing disorder.

Code named “Joe Blows,” the diabolical sensory processor will be blamed for a string of recent Biden verbal blunders, including:

“We choose unity over division. We choose science over fiction. We choose truth over facts…”  

“Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids…”

“Those kids in Parkland came to see me when I was Vice-President.” NOTE: Parkland shooting happened in 2018 – Joe Biden’s term as Vice-President was over January 20, 2017.

Using a cutting edge process pioneered by Russian intelligence, reportedly Orange Man Bad has managed to implant a form of nanotechnology into Biden’s hair plugs that allow the president and his campaign team to inject pre-written messaging into Biden’s speeches.

The result:  the Democrat front-runner sounds like a senile, over-the-hill presidential candidate rather than the charismatic, energetic, hair-sniffing dynamo he really is.

The reaction from the president’s 2020 Democrat chew toy opponents was immediate:

“This is a very dangerous president who makes Americans’ hair stand on end.”  – Spartacus

“If you ask me, he’s a racist, a white supremacist and a bully.  The president’s candidacy is hanging by a hair.”  – Robert Francis O’Rourke from his skateboard

“Look, I don’t want to split hairs and it gives me no pleasure to say this, but I think all of the evidence out there suggests that we have a president who is a racist, a xenophobe, and has just managed to avoid impeachment by a hair.” – Bernie “Back in the USSR” Sanders

“He’s changing the conversation, and if we allow him to do that we will tear our hair out rather than focus on real solutions for real Americans.” – Beto O’Rourke again, but this time standing on a diner counter in someone’s chili and crackers.

High level sources reveal that Trump got the idea of hijacking Biden’s thought processes from son Baron after father and son watched Bruce Almighty together.

 

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Photo sources: c-fam.org, politics.theonion.com, Movie Clips

 

Copyright 2019, Dean A. George©

Democrat Presidential Candidate Sale!

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Samantha Socialist knew it was time to replace her 10-year-old Prius when an Amish farmer flipped her off one morning while passing her in his overloaded hay wagon.

Upon arriving at work Samantha borrowed a copy of Auto-Traitor from her friend Bart, a female Betty transitioning to a male Bart.  Prior to being Betty, Bart/Betty fancied xi/xis self as Bumble Bee or Optimus Prime of the Transformers depending on zi/zis’s available wardrobe that day. 

Both Sam and Bart/Betty worked on the assembly line at the Green Splice environmental plant recycling pixels and fonts from politically conservative websites that had been banned by social media’s Big Three.

Within minutes of skimming the Auto-Traitor Sam located the ride she thought would be perfect.  The Tom Steyer Dynamo was a completely green hybrid that ran on grass clippings, rainbow wishes and UV-protected solar power.

After work Sam buzzed down to the Sanders-Warren Commie Car Corner to kick the tires and meet salesman C. Booker, whose name tag for some reason read “Spartacus.”

Spartacus proudly walked her through the car’s impressive features, including its 200-unicorn-powered engine, its patented open borders acceleration technology; the slave reparations all-wheel drive, and its green new deal emissions standards.

“The manufacturer’s warranty also includes free handouts to any undocumented immigrants who carpool with you or you help sneak over the border.  The handouts include food stamps, medical care, housing vouchers, abortion on demand and free public education for the little ones,” Booker said in a rhetorical flourish. 

“Cages for the kids are available in the EX package,” he added triumphantly.

After test driving the Dynamo it was time for the part Sam dreaded the most: haggling over the price.   Much to her relief co-owner Bernie Sanders rescued her and told her to put away her filthy green money.

“At this dealership we believe driving a car is a human right – not something to profit from,” he said in an accent that strangely reminded her of Seinfeld writer and producer Larry David.

“Driving an environmentally-friendly car should be recognized as a human right, not a privilege,” he intoned in front of an American flag.  “Every man, woman and child in our country should be able to access the transportation they need regardless of their income,” he added emphatically.

Smiling, Sam thanked him but there was something she had to know.  “How do you stay in business giving away free cars and stuff?”

In one of the scariest experiences of her life, Bernie smiled at her for what seemed an eternity.  Thankfully, his smile eventually disappeared and he replied in earnest, “Don’t you worry about us; we’ll be fine.  However, we are living in a nation and in a world which worships the acquisition of money and great wealth.

“I don’t think that is the country you should be living in.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Sources: The News Junkie’s Cartoons, Inside Edition, Fox Business

Photo source: blog.beforward.jp, New York Post,  DLPNG.com

 

Copyright 2019, Dean A. George©

 

Socialist Scout Troop #666 Cookie Sale

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Everywhere you look there are visuals of the Squawk Squad doing what they do best – squawking about pet peeves that they whine are endangering our constitutional liberties.

Here is a partial list:

  • Trump is acting like Hitler;
  • Trump is racist and is enabling racism;
  • Undocumented children are being held in cages;
  • Border Patrol and ICE are acting like Nazi concentration camp guards;
  • The country hasn’t passed the New Green Deal because Americans are racists;
  • Boycotting Israel is the same as boycotting Nazi Germany;
  • We need a $20 minimum wage to afford milk and eggs;
  • Taxpayer funded abortions should be made available to all illegal immigrants.

The last place I expected to see the Squirrely Squawk Squad was fundraising at a roadside stand but as we all know, these socialistic gal-pals will appear anywhere there are cameras and a crowd..

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was ready for her closeup – waving her arms like a loon, spouting economic gibberish and mauling World War II analogies.

Ilhan Omar was fantasizing about being Audrey Hepburn in a hijab and cursing Israel and President Trump.

Rashida Tlaib was stomping around shouting epithets and saying she was going to “impeach” the motherf#%$&#! every 10 words.

Ayanna Pressley – was denouncing black faces that don’t sound black and brown faces that don’t sound brown and white faces who always sound racist.

In their “Kookie” tent each member of the Scurrilous Squad had their own personalized cookie they were promoting:

Alexandria Opportunist-Coronado was pushing a graham cracker cookie covered in chocolate and marshmallow because she’s always wanting s’more and s’more of our money.

Incestuous Ilhan Omar was peddling camel caramel chocolate chip cookies (Don’t ask about the camel ingredient.)  She said cookies for Jewish and Christian customers came with a “Somali surprise” in lieu of chocolate chips, and a hint of sea salt reflecting her spicy Somali personality.

Rashida #$%#%^! Tlaib favored a tangy lemon-iced cookie powdered with hummus, olive oil and Palestinian pine nuts.  Each cookie contained a fortune: a favorite Tlaib Palestinian epithet.

Aryan Pressley raved about her skinny cookie which was a round, mint-flavored cookie coated in chocolate. Pressley’s cookie had a special ingredient:  a Boston Bean extract that conjured hallucinations that make Pressley sound like Oprah Winfrey when speaking in public.

Cookie prices were available in three tiers:

Undocumented immigrants – FREE
Brothers and Sisters of Color – Whatever you can afford
White skinned and tanned Caucasians – $5 per cookie or $65 a dozen.  NO CRACKER CHECKS!

The Mob Squad sold all their cookies before noon when a PBS limousine spotted them, bought all their inventory and announced plans to give single boxes away in their next fundraiser to donors pledging $500 or more.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Sources: Fox News, The Gateway Pundit, The D.C. Shorts, Breitbart, Now This News

Copyright 2019, Dean A. George©

End of Government Shutdown Near?

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This just in to our news desk: Federal employees affected by the longest government shutdown in history may soon be going back to work.

Sources close to secret discussions between Republicans, Democrats and President Donald Trump say an agreement may be near at hand.

The parties are reportedly close to reaching an agreement on the president’s request for $5.7 billion to construct a border wall.  Surprisingly, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has agreed to the president’s request on just two conditions:

1) President Trump will give New York frosh Democrat Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez an ambassadorial appointment – preferably somewhere far away from the 116th Congress. Pelosi herself is reportedly suggesting Nepal or central Cambodia.

2) President Trump will use his extensive business connections to persuade Burger King to name Rep Rashida Tlaib, the freshman Democrat from Michigan, as their national spokesperson for their Bacon King burger.

Tlaib has also been mentioned as a possible spokesperson for Purina dog food and Holy Land tour guide groups.

Her new job would require frequent travel to different continents and days on location in exotic venues like Aleppo, Syria;  Tripoli, Libya and Ashgabat, Turkmenistan.

Sources noted that Speaker Pelosi approached the president via back channels, surprising Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer whose office was not consulted on the new development. 

A Schumer spokesperson confessed the New York senator was initially “miffed” at not being consulted, but agreed that Pelosi’s actions were understandable considering Representatives Ocasio-Cortez and Tlaib were “special” elected officials with wide ranging talents.

Pelosi just had this to say through her spokesperson: 

“We feel it would be selfish to deny these two gifted females the unique opportunities available to them.  We wish them the best of success in their new ventures, and hope they will bring the same initiative and vision to their new responsibilities as they did during their short time in the 116th Congress.”

 

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Sources: Washington Post, The Guardian

Photo sources: Movement for a People’s Party, Daily Caller

 

Copyright 2019, Dean A. George©

 

On Trail of Trump-Russian Collaboration

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There’s approximately an 0.098 percent chance I’ll go trick or treating this Halloween. If I do though, I’m going as Elizabeth Warren.

But Lieawatha being outed by her own DNA wasn’t the only October news causing Democrats to groan.

Designated DNA Hitter

Special Counsel Robert Mueller announced that his long-awaited report and liberal fantasy of Trump collusion with Russia won’t be released until after the Nov 6 mid-terms.

So much for roasting Trump over a SJW bonfire before the election.

There is a silver lining for those supporting the ailing Russian collusion narrative, though.

Anonymous sources close to Mueller’s investigation tells Dean Riff’s that Herr Mueller has opened a new line of investigation promising hopeful returns on Russian collaboration even as the dubious fool’s gold vein of Russian collusion peters out.

Could an innocuous cover band that specializes in playing hit songs by the band Chicago be the key for Mueller’s minions to finally prove the Trump campaign collaborated with Russia to influence the 2016 presidential election?

Proven Russian Collaboration

Here’s what we know:

Russian band Leonid & Friends appeared on the public scene three years ago at about the same time Trump descended the escalator at Trump Tower in Manhattan announcing his candidacy for president of the United States.

Since that time the band has gained increasing notoriety for their uncanny ability to perform numerous Americana-like Chicago songs with unerring accuracy to the band’s early sound.  They have performed flawless versions of Chicago classics like “Make Me Smile,” “25 or 6 to 4,” and “Saturday in the Park.”

Reportedly Mueller’s stoog – er, investigators, have zeroed in on the fact Leonid & Friends have never performed Chicago’s 1975 song, “Harry Truman.”

Consider this: Both Donald Trump and Harry Truman have 11 letters in their name, and both have served as U.S. presidents. Like Trump, Truman also had many critics within his own party, and both talked in colorful language punctuated by occasional expletives.

Truman is the only U.S. president to have dropped an atomic bomb during war time. Trump has occasionally referenced dropping bombs on America’s enemies.

Is talk of Leonid & Friends touring the U.S. a coded sign that Trump is about to drop a hammer and sickle on his enemies? Iran? Central America? Creepy porn lawyer Michael Avenatti or CNN flack Jim Acosta?

Only time will tell, but if you hear that Leonid & Friends is performing at a Trump venue or campaign event, remember – you heard it here first.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

Photo sources: The Looking Spoon, Leonid and Friends

 

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

 

Deep State Game Show – The D.C. Squares

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( TV ANNOUNCER) “One of these high level political insiders is sitting in the secret square, and the contestant who picks it first could win an all-expense paid trip to a special Caribbean hideaway to share with the insider of their choice! Which political insider is it?

“Is it…James Comey, John Brennan, James Clapper, Andrew McCabe, Bruce Ohr, Sally Yates, Peter Strozk, Lisa Page, or Robert Mueller?

Now here’s the Master of The D.C. Squares, Hot Rod Rothstein!”

ROTHSTEIN: “Good evening, and welcome to The D.C. Squares – America’s favorite Deep State game show! Hello insiders, how are you?” And welcome studio audience!  Now let’s meet today’s contestants:

“On my left and representing zero – uh, sorry – I mean ‘O,’ is Attorney General Jeff Sessions. AG Sessions served as the U.S. Senator from Alabama for 20 years before being named the United States’ 84th Attorney General. Welcome, Mr. Attorney General.

“On my right and representing “X” is the current 45th president of the United States, President Donald J. Trump.  President Trump had literally no political experience before beating out 17 veteran Republican politicians for the position he now currently holds. President Trump, welcome. Nice MAGA hat!

“Players, the object is to get three insiders in a row either, up, across or diagonally. It is up the player to decide if the insider is giving them a correct answer or making one up, that is how they win the square. Each square is worth $500 and if you successfully win the secret square, you and the insider of your choice will be treated to the Caribbean vacation surprise mentioned earlier.

“Players, if you’re ready, let’s begin: Attorney General Sessions, you won the coin flip held earlier off-camera. Which insider do you choose?”

SESSIONS: “Andrew McCabe”.

ROTHSTEIN: “I’m sorry Jeff, but you’ve recused yourself from the Russian Collusion investigation and are not allowed to ask questions of Andy McCabe. You also forfeit your turn. Donald, it’s your go.”

TRUMP: “I’ll tell you what Rod. I know what a fan of mine he is, so let’s go with Peter Strozk.”

ROTHSTEIN: “Peter, true or false: Do Virginia Wal-Mart shoppers who supported President Trump smell – true or false?”

STROZK: “Depends upon how close to Saturday night it is, Rod. (Audience boos) “No, Virginia Wal-Mart shoppers don’t smell. At least, any more than those that shop Dollar General or Family Dollar.”

TRUMP: “I’m going to trust Peter this one time, Rod. True.”

ROTHSTEIN: “That would be right, Donald – “X” gets the square. Jeff, it’s your go.”

SESSIONS: “Jim Comey, please.”

ROTHSTEIN: “Oh, I am sorry Jeff, but Comey was also a key player in the Russian Collusion investigation. Hopefully you’ll get another go after the mid-terms – but we doubt it.  Donald, it’s your turn.”

TRUMP: “Texting Queen Lisa Page, Rod.”

ROTHSTEIN: “Lisa, Hillary Clinton would have been the first president in presidential history to require Secret Service assistance for this?”

PAGE:  “Oh, I once texted this to a friend – and no, it wasn’t who you might think. (Audience boos)  The Secret Service would be in charge of transporting and ironing Preside-er, Mrs. Clinton’s pants suits.  Although, let’s be clear – Hillary would always be the one wearing the pants in that relationship.”

TRUMP: I think Ms. Page is lying – again.  Crooked Hillary’s presidential detail would have been required to carry her up and down stair steps, including on Air Force One, down to her personal Chardonnay wine cellar, and wherever on the White House grounds she planned to keep her unsecured email server.”

ROTHSTEIN: “That is right. Contrary to her supporters, Hillary not only can’t walk on water, but she navigates stair steps like a blind, peg-legged pirate marinated in rum-flavored Chardonnay.  “X” gets the square. Jeff, it’s your go”.

SESSIONS: “Uh, er, ummm…are there any non-Russian questions, Rod? Maybe questions to do with marijuana or MS-13?”

ROTHSTEIN: “Let me see. How about an immigration question Jeff?”

SESSIONS: “Yes, that would be great. Sally Yates to block, please.”

ROTHSTEIN:  “Sally, the Tsarnaev brothers’ parents immigrated here with their parents in 2002. The Tsarnaev brothers were a) Circus performers, b) Founders of a Brighton Beach restaurant chain, or c) the Boston Marathon bombers?”

YATES: “I remember seeing the Tsarnaev’s when they played Atlantic City a couple of summers ago. What a great show they put on! The Tsarnaev’s are circus performers.”

SESSIONS: “I disagree Rod. Tamerlan Tsarnaev and his younger brother Dzhokhar were charged with the Boston Marathon bombing, and Tamerlan was ki-”

ROTHSTEIN: “I’m sorry Jeff, but you recused yourself from anything involving Russian collusion.”

SESSIONS: “But they aren’t Russian! The Tsarnaev brothers were Kyrgyzstani-Americans! They were Muslims of Chechen descent!!”

ROTHSTEIN: “That’s right Jeff, but Russian intelligence sources did tip off the FBI about the Tsarnaev’s  being a threat weeks before the bombing, and…”

SESSIONS: “I recused myself from anything involving Russia,” the Attorney General said, hanging his head.

ROTHSTEIN: I’m sorry folks, but that’s all the time we have left in today’s D.C. Squares show, but tune in…”

TRUMP: “No, I’m sorry Rod, but that’s all the time you and all the Deep State insiders have because I’ve decided to declassify all the emails, texts and FISA application records you have refused to turn over to Congress for more than a year.  You can expect that declassification order soon…very soon.

“Johnny, or whatever your name is announcer guy, tell Rod and all the insiders of the Deep State Squares what they’ve won.”

ANNOUNCER: “Yes sir, Mr. President. Our Deep State insiders have all won an all-expense paid trip of a lifetime – for a lifetime, to… Guantanamo Bay, Cuba!”

STUDIO AUDIENCE:  Widespread applause and foot stomping.

TRUMP: “See, we’re keeping our promise to Make America Great Again and drain the swamp – one D.C. swamp critter square at a time. Thank you all for your continued support, and stay tuned for our upcoming prime time declassification special: DC Non-Confidential!”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

Photo sources: pinterest.com, thegatewaypundit.com

 

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

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