( TV ANNOUNCER) “One of these high level political insiders is sitting in the secret square, and the contestant who picks it first could win an all-expense paid trip to a special Caribbean hideaway to share with the insider of their choice! Which political insider is it?
“Is it…James Comey, John Brennan, James Clapper, Andrew McCabe, Bruce Ohr, Sally Yates, Peter Strozk, Lisa Page, or Robert Mueller?
Now here’s the Master of The D.C. Squares, Hot Rod Rothstein!”
ROTHSTEIN: “Good evening, and welcome to The D.C. Squares – America’s favorite Deep State game show! Hello insiders, how are you?” And welcome studio audience! Now let’s meet today’s contestants:
“On my left and representing zero – uh, sorry – I mean ‘O,’ is Attorney General Jeff Sessions. AG Sessions served as the U.S. Senator from Alabama for 20 years before being named the United States’ 84th Attorney General. Welcome, Mr. Attorney General.
“On my right and representing “X” is the current 45th president of the United States, President Donald J. Trump. President Trump had literally no political experience before beating out 17 veteran Republican politicians for the position he now currently holds. President Trump, welcome. Nice MAGA hat!
“Players, the object is to get three insiders in a row either, up, across or diagonally. It is up the player to decide if the insider is giving them a correct answer or making one up, that is how they win the square. Each square is worth $500 and if you successfully win the secret square, you and the insider of your choice will be treated to the Caribbean vacation surprise mentioned earlier.
“Players, if you’re ready, let’s begin: Attorney General Sessions, you won the coin flip held earlier off-camera. Which insider do you choose?”
SESSIONS: “Andrew McCabe”.
ROTHSTEIN: “I’m sorry Jeff, but you’ve recused yourself from the Russian Collusion investigation and are not allowed to ask questions of Andy McCabe. You also forfeit your turn. Donald, it’s your go.”
TRUMP: “I’ll tell you what Rod. I know what a fan of mine he is, so let’s go with Peter Strozk.”
ROTHSTEIN: “Peter, true or false: Do Virginia Wal-Mart shoppers who supported President Trump smell – true or false?”
STROZK: “Depends upon how close to Saturday night it is, Rod. (Audience boos) “No, Virginia Wal-Mart shoppers don’t smell. At least, any more than those that shop Dollar General or Family Dollar.”
TRUMP: “I’m going to trust Peter this one time, Rod. True.”
ROTHSTEIN: “That would be right, Donald – “X” gets the square. Jeff, it’s your go.”
SESSIONS: “Jim Comey, please.”
ROTHSTEIN: “Oh, I am sorry Jeff, but Comey was also a key player in the Russian Collusion investigation. Hopefully you’ll get another go after the mid-terms – but we doubt it. Donald, it’s your turn.”
TRUMP: “Texting Queen Lisa Page, Rod.”
ROTHSTEIN: “Lisa, Hillary Clinton would have been the first president in presidential history to require Secret Service assistance for this?”
PAGE: “Oh, I once texted this to a friend – and no, it wasn’t who you might think. (Audience boos) The Secret Service would be in charge of transporting and ironing Preside-er, Mrs. Clinton’s pants suits. Although, let’s be clear – Hillary would always be the one wearing the pants in that relationship.”
TRUMP: I think Ms. Page is lying – again. Crooked Hillary’s presidential detail would have been required to carry her up and down stair steps, including on Air Force One, down to her personal Chardonnay wine cellar, and wherever on the White House grounds she planned to keep her unsecured email server.”
ROTHSTEIN: “That is right. Contrary to her supporters, Hillary not only can’t walk on water, but she navigates stair steps like a blind, peg-legged pirate marinated in rum-flavored Chardonnay. “X” gets the square. Jeff, it’s your go”.
SESSIONS: “Uh, er, ummm…are there any non-Russian questions, Rod? Maybe questions to do with marijuana or MS-13?”
ROTHSTEIN: “Let me see. How about an immigration question Jeff?”
SESSIONS: “Yes, that would be great. Sally Yates to block, please.”
ROTHSTEIN: “Sally, the Tsarnaev brothers’ parents immigrated here with their parents in 2002. The Tsarnaev brothers were a) Circus performers, b) Founders of a Brighton Beach restaurant chain, or c) the Boston Marathon bombers?”
YATES: “I remember seeing the Tsarnaev’s when they played Atlantic City a couple of summers ago. What a great show they put on! The Tsarnaev’s are circus performers.”
SESSIONS: “I disagree Rod. Tamerlan Tsarnaev and his younger brother Dzhokhar were charged with the Boston Marathon bombing, and Tamerlan was ki-”
ROTHSTEIN: “I’m sorry Jeff, but you recused yourself from anything involving Russian collusion.”
SESSIONS: “But they aren’t Russian! The Tsarnaev brothers were Kyrgyzstani-Americans! They were Muslims of Chechen descent!!”
ROTHSTEIN: “That’s right Jeff, but Russian intelligence sources did tip off the FBI about the Tsarnaev’s being a threat weeks before the bombing, and…”
SESSIONS: “I recused myself from anything involving Russia,” the Attorney General said, hanging his head.
ROTHSTEIN: I’m sorry folks, but that’s all the time we have left in today’s D.C. Squares show, but tune in…”
TRUMP: “No, I’m sorry Rod, but that’s all the time you and all the Deep State insiders have because I’ve decided to declassify all the emails, texts and FISA application records you have refused to turn over to Congress for more than a year. You can expect that declassification order soon…very soon.
“Johnny, or whatever your name is announcer guy, tell Rod and all the insiders of the Deep State Squares what they’ve won.”
ANNOUNCER: “Yes sir, Mr. President. Our Deep State insiders have all won an all-expense paid trip of a lifetime – for a lifetime, to… Guantanamo Bay, Cuba!”
STUDIO AUDIENCE: Widespread applause and foot stomping.
TRUMP: “See, we’re keeping our promise to Make America Great Again and drain the swamp – one D.C. swamp critter square at a time. Thank you all for your continued support, and stay tuned for our upcoming prime time declassification special: DC Non-Confidential!”
Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.
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Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©