Category: Parody Place

[par-uh-dee] noun: A humorous or satirical imitation of a serious topic. Example: As a societal observer, it is increasingly difficult to distinguish real stories from parody because we have rounded the cultural corner where truth really is stranger than fiction.

Biden Flipping Lid Over Presidency?

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Depressed, frustrated and angry at the millions of voter fingers pointed his way blaming him for a tanking economy, President Joe Biden is reportedly considering calling a lid on his presidency to pursue a new challenge: managing a baseball team.

You read that right. Joe Biden may flip his presidential lid for a baseball cap.

“Look, look, it’s like this. Everyone knows I’m not calling the shots right now as president but yet I get blamed for everything going wrong.” Leaning forward, he adds with a fervid whisper, “I’ve had it with all these lyin,’ dog-faced pony soldiers dissin’ ol’ Joe.

“I’ve still got game, and the game I’m aiming for is baseball. It’s pure, it’s simple and its as American pie as Betty Crocker and that guy who sang that song about music dying and the levee being dry because Trump didn’t water it or somethin’.”

The president turned wannabe baseball manager says he’s got his eye on managing a team he’s followed since childhood famous for its infield, though he plans to make significant roster changes from the outset.

“Look, look, this guy Who on first base. He’s out of position because he can’t bend or stretch anymore but he’s still got a good arm. I plan to move Who to third and put I Don’t Know on second and What on first,” the president said.

“Who’s playing shortstop?” Fox News’ Peter Doocy asked.

“Who isn’t playing shortstop, you stupid son of a b,” Biden chortles. “I’m moving him to second. Or is Who on first?” the president muses with a vacant stare.

“Who’s on third,” Doocy says. “You just made that your first roster change.”

“Who did?” the president queries.

“No, you did, Mr. President,” Doocy says. “Just a minute ago.”

“Says Who?” Biden asks

“Says you,” Doocy explained. “Who hasn’t commented on the move.”

“But I remember Who playing first,” the president whined. “I saw him after I marched at Selma with Martin Luther King, Jr., in the back of an 18-wheeler, on my drive to South Africa to shake hands with Nelson Mandela.”

Silence enveloped the press room as reporters sat scribbling what the president meant to say so they could confirm that with his staff afterwards.

“Any Who,” the president said, chuckling at his own wit. “The point is, and here’s the point, and that point is I don’t know what I don’t know, but I do know I Don’t Know isn’t playing shortstop. Capice?

The president promised to circle back on his entire lineup before his first game, but we can report that No One’s Home is pitching at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue while America burns.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country.

Copyright 2022, Dean A. George© 

Big Sister Jankowicz Uncensored

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a Dean Riffs exclusive, Homeland Security’s Disinformation Governance Board Director Nina Jankowicz took a break from making Tik Tok videos to discuss the role of the newly minted free speech police and her plans to ferret out disinformation believed harmful to democracy.

Question: Is there any difference between “disinformation” and “misinformation,” and if so, what is it?

Answer: Certainly. Disinformation is an intentional act to spread false information, whereas misinformation is the distribution of false information, but not necessarily on purpose. All disinformation is misinformation, but not all misinformation is disinformation.

Question: Why not call the new board the Disinformation and Misinformation Governance Board or create a separate Misinformation Governance Board to police unintentional disinformation so as not to confuse it with the policing of intentional disinformation?

Answer: That would be somewhat redundant and confusing to voters, though it would help create more government jobs. I’ll take that under advisement.

Question: Were your tweets about Hunter Biden’s laptop “disinformation” or “misinformation” since those allegations have proven to be true?

Answer: Neither. The story about Hunter Biden’s laptop could be considered misinformation because I didn’t know the allegations were true when tweeting that it was Russian disinformation. In this case, however, it wasn’t misinformation because my intentions were pure, and the Republicans lie about everything.

Question: Then the stories about Hunter Biden’s laptop are true?

Answer: It’s not in my purview to assess whether the allegations are true or not. My responsibility is to monitor online reporting and stories that question what the Disinformation Governance Board says is true.

Question: There are countless stories online that aren’t factually true but are widely circulated and retweeted. For instance, your tweets castigating those questioning the Covid lockdowns and the efficacy of the vaccines could be considered censorship and bullying in many circles.

Answer: (Snort) That’s the kind of disinformation our agency will investigate! There are lots of rumors and fabrications about Covid, the vaccines and questioning the necessity of the lockdowns and masking that need to be shut down because they confuse people about trusting experts like the CDC and Lord Fau.., I mean, Dr. Fauci.

Question: Some say the purpose of the Disinformation Governance Board is to quash free speech and political opinions the administration disagrees with?

Answer: See, that in itself is untrue! Our role is to root out hate speech and political dissent that can harm democracy. You know, like what you hear at a Trump rally.

Question: And hate speech is defined as…?

Answer: Hate speech is speech that divides Americans and pits us against one another. United we stand, divided we yada, yada, yada. We’re better than that as a country, and we’re going to make sure of that by shaming the haters and censoring them in the public square.

Question: You have zero concern then about violating the First Amendment rights of free speech to all Americans?

Answer: Of course not! People can say whatever they want, whenever they want, wherever they want. The Disinformation Governance Board merely serves as a filter not unlike a water filtration system that removes impurities and harmful substances that can infect the whole organism. Only Donald Trump and those supporting dirty water oppose our mission.

Question: We have to ask. What’s with the Mary Poppins act?

Answer: I need to wrap up this interview now to launch a disinformation investigation of Dean Riffs, but let me close with this:

Information laundering is really quite ferocious, it’s when a huckster takes some lies and makes them sound precocious, disinformation’s origins are slightly less atrocious, the Disinformation Governanace Board is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country.

Sources: Biography Daily

Photo sources: New York Post

Copyright 2022, Dean A. George© 

Former Presidents Demand Names Be Removed from California Schools

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The San Francisco Board of Education recently approved changing the long-time names of 44 schools in their district due to insufficient wokeness by the heroic, historic figures for which the schools were named.

The board voted to remove famous names like George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln and replace them with more deserving names as judged by today’s superior moral standards.

The truth though, is that the three former presidents have demanded for years their names be removed from California public schools because of the inferior quality of education students were receiving. It was damaging the legacies and personal reputations of the former presidents, they said.

“We had no choice in the matter,” former President George Washington told a small gathering of press, most of whom like San Francisco students had no idea of the trio’s identity because American history classes have been history for several years in the nation’s public schools and universities.

“Why would we want our names affixed to schools with such poor curriculums and students less historically astute than my horse? Great Jehoshaphat, my library at Mount Vernon had more books in it than your board of education members will ever read,” Washington sniffed.

Thomas Jefferson agreed with the nation’s first Commander-in-Chief.

“Pretty cheeky of these so-called ‘education’ administrators voting to remove our names when our lawyers filed cease-and-desist orders first. Besides, these education dullards haven’t even opened their school doors since last March because they’re ‘following the science!’ Zounds, these ‘science’ geniuses can’t comprehend basic biology because they don’t know which privy is for boys and which is for girls!”

The nation’s 16th president, as was his wont, chose to see the humor in the situation.

“The board says they want our names removed because we perpetuated slavery and genocide,” Lincoln said with a twinkle in his eye. “That’s remarkable since several states are wanting to make June 19th a holiday commemorating the emancipation of the slaves whose idea was, wait for it…mine!”

“But what about the oppression of gays and transgenders? How did you justify that?” a whiny MSNBC reporter wearing yoga pants and three masks asked Mr. Lincoln.

“My dear, I’ve seen your college transcripts and SAT scores. Alexander Ocasio-Cortez’s, too. Oh my! How did you get a degree from a school of higher learning when you thought the Civil War was fought for American independence from Canada and Dred Scott was a gangsta rapper?”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Photos: South Dakota Public Broadcasting, history.com

Copyright 2021, Dean A. George©

Most Admired Man Vote was Fixed: Obama

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Former President Barack Obama announced today he is filing a formal protest for a vote recount of the December 29th Gallup Poll naming President Donald Trump as the Most Admired Man of 2020.

According to Gallup, President Trump beat out former President Obama 18% to 15% in a national poll conducted Dec 1-Dec 17 asking the question, “What man that you have heard or read about, living today in any part of the world, do you admire most?”

At a peaceful protest by Antifa and Black Lives Matter, Obama’s lawyers cited a wide range of voting irregularities during the poll tabulation, including suspicious mail-in ballots originating from drop boxes at Trump hotel properties, dead people voting, and the physical obstruction of Obama ballot watchers watching the counting by Russian mercenaries disguised as Georgia Democrat Senate candidates Jon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock.

“In one of the most glaring examples of election fraud in this sham poll, Gallup voting was ostensibly halted the evening votes were being tabulated because of a water leak,” Obama spokesperson Chance Makers said. “Within hours we learned that the alleged problem was really just a toilet leak in the outhouse of Gallup headquarters.”

Makers also said Obama’s legal team has collected film footage of fixed polling results being hauled out from under tables after the room had been evacuated. The ballots were allegedly run through a tabulating machine several times that according to the Obama team is wirelessly connected with a web server at Proud Boys headquarters.

The server in question allegedly stored Obama votes before they were surreptiously switched to Trump using a sophisticated algorithm involving Biden syntax and Trump tweets.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 
Photo source: FidoSysop

Copyright 2021, Dean A. George©

Redskins Changing Name To…

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WASHINGTON, D.C. Smoke signals were seen today from the Washington Redskins training complex announcing the NFL franchise is close to releasing a new team name more palatable to today’s woke sensibilities.

Redskins owner Dan Snyder held a powwow recently with national media and said a Native American focus group would be releasing the name of the team’s new moniker within a moon or two.

The Redskins Renaming Council is comprised of three braves and two squaws from multiple tribes. The group has whittled the list of names to three over a buffalo stew potluck and sweat lodge strategy session.

Snyder said the novel move to ask the Native American focus group to rename the Redskins was intended to right historic wrongs, though none of the five Native American panelists said they had reservations about the name used by the NFL team since 1933.

Also attending and vaping from a communal peace pipe were members of several student council tribes, including representatives from Brown University, Yellowstone College, Redland Community College, and Blackburn University.

No Caucasians were privileged to participate in the gauntlet of ideas for renaming the Redskins, although they were invited to a bonfire after the new name was official if they denounced their white privilege and the tomahawk chop at sporting events.

They also had to swear off of ever listening to “Cherokee Nation” and Redbone’s “Come and Get Your Love.”

Reportedly Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth (Lieawatha) Warren had thrown her headdress into the ring, but didn’t make the final cut because two panel members said she plagiarized several dishes in her Powwow Chow cookbook.

Below are the three finalist names chosen by the Native American Renaming Council:

Washington Wookies A Wookie is defined as “a fictional hirsute humanoid alien who is stronger and taller than most humans.” That certainly describes many professional NFL players.

Also, the Urban Dictionary defines a Wookie as “a lifeless idiot who dislikes showering and shaving and who stands for nothing and cares for nothing but themselves.” That definitely describes the whiners deriding the name Redskins as racist.

Washington Wokesters The Redskins and others surrendering to the cancel culture claim to be “woke” to past insensitivities and slights.  As the Good Book says in Romans:  “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God – except for the Woke, who are sinless, infallible and all-knowing” in telling the world what’s wrong with everyone else.

Washington Weeping Willows Willows are trees that like wet, boggy conditions. In short, they’re suck-ups often used as ornamental plants. What could be more ornamental than a bunch of aggrieved millionaire athletes whining about social justice issues affecting inner cities while they live in multimillion dollar mansions in the ‘burbs.

Once the Redskins name is replaced, it may be back to the drawing board for Snyder and his Native American Renaming Council.  Sources are saying protests are already underway objecting to the team’s use of the name “Washington.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who know God has blessed our country. 

Photo source: Deseret News, Screen Critix, Tusker Daily, LoopholesonLife

Copyright 2020, Dean A. George© 

Peloton Debuts the Pelositon Bike

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NEW YORK CITY – Peleton, the boutique fitness bike company, today announced plans for a new specialty bike designed especially for political enthusiasts.

The bike’s name is a tribute to two-time Democrat House speaker Nancy Pelosi (CA). Like it’s namesake, the Pelositon is destined to be one-of-a-kind.

The Pelositon is the first fitness bike equipped with what Peloton calls “Stutter Step” pedaling.  The patent-pending Stutter Step feature mimics Speaker Pelosi’s mesmerizing speaking style, including sudden braking, unexpected pauses and a torrent of hyperbolic activity.

Especially impressive is the Pelositon’s first-of-its-kind backpedaling feature that challenges riders to go to the extreme by pushing themselves to adapt their pedaling tempo to whatever random challenge this devilishly clever bike throws at them.

Pelotron makes no apology if its constituents find the random backpedaling annoying because, like supporters of Speaker Pelosi, that’s just part of the ride with the Pelositon. 

The Pelositon also comes equipped with career video highlights from the Speaker’s many memorable moments, just three being:

  • Pelosi’s infamous shredding on national television of President Trump’s February State of the Union message;
  • Her recent show-and-tell with Late, Late Show host James Corden while thousands of businesses awaited SBA funding she was blocking;
  • The Speaker’s handing out Trump impeachment pens at the outset of the COVID-19 pandemic.

A Pelositon Deluxe model comes with designer ice cream cup holders and a one-year free membership in Nancy’s Decadent Chocolate Ice Cream of the Month Club – a $180 savings!

 

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Photo sources: Vital BMX, Donald J. Trump

Copyright 2020, Dean A. George© 

ISIS Cancels European Jihad Season

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MIDDLE EAST – In a surprising move to many, ISIS recently canceled the remainder of its jihadist season in the European League due to the coronavirus.

The Sunday Times of London reports that ISIS announced a ‘sharia’ directive at a hastily called press conference warning hundreds of its members about conducting terrorism activities throughout Europe during the coronavirus pandemic.

ISIS said it was taking the extreme step in order to protect its players and the league’s branding strategy of fear and chaos.

“The healthy should not enter the land of the epidemic,” ISIS League President Mohammad M Mohammed announced in somber tones.

President Mohammed also referred to COVID-19 as a “plague” and a “torment sent by Allah on whomsoever he wills, but especially infidels who don’t wash their hands and shamelessly touch their faces while playing Fortnite and binge watching Netflix movies.

In the sharia directive jihadists were instructed to wash their hands regularly and to cover their mouth when sneezing or yawning.  There was no guidance about covering their faces since that’s a given when conducting terrorist activity.

When queried why jihadists seemingly willing to blow themselves up conducting acts of terrorism were afraid of germs and catching flu from Europeans,  Mohammed quickly belittled the questioner.

“Not all soldiers of Allah blow themselves up,” he said vehemently. “Our team rosters also include brave men willing to use knives, automobiles and machetes against unsuspecting infidels.”

But Mohammed wasn’t through yet.

“Idiots! That’s your typical infidel stereotyping of our martyr-to-be Muslim youth,” he spat in disgust.

There followed an awkward moment before Mohammad Mohammed discretely withdrew a Lysol aerosol bottle from a pocket of his black Nike hoodie and sprayed disinfectant over his spittle before cautiously wiping it up.

“Apologies,” he muttered quietly.  “You infidels drive me crazy.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country.

Photo source: Orange County Register, The Independent

Copyright 2020, Dean A. George©

Confident Biden Making Cabinet Choices

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Detractors may call Joe Biden slow, but there’s nothing slow about the former vice-president’s actions since his momentous South Carolina and Super Tuesday (or Super Thursday) wins.

According to Breitbart, Axios was reporting Monday that Biden’s staff was busy compiling a list of Cabinet picks for their boss’s consideration, including many Obama leftovers – I mean, holdovers.

According to anonymous sources close to Biden though, Dean Riffs has learned the expected 2020 Democrat nominee has a few picks of his own he’s looking forward to joining his administration, including:

  • Teddy Roosevelt as Interior Secretary because he was a proven conservationist as President during the Korean Conflict;
  • George C. Scott as Secretary of Defense based on his success leading colonial militias during the Civil War against the Hessian Nazis at Trenton;
  • Reese Witherspoon as Attorney General for her demonstrable knowledge of the criminal justice system in Legally Blonde;
  • Jane Fonda as Labor Secretary for her well known experience dealing with the challenges of working women stuck on the 9-5 treadmill;

  • Former presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg as Education Secretary because he understands the peer pressure of being gay and the last kid chosen for dodge ball in PE class.  Also, Biden knows that Mayor Pete enjoys counseling kids on lifestyle options and will leave no child behind – unless instructed to by a pro-choice mother having second thoughts;
  • Nancy Pelosi as EPA secretary because she understands the value of recycling and paper preservation.  “I’ve known Nancy for years and she’s no paper tiger, I’ll tell you that,” Biden said emphatically.

  • Pink, Cindy Lauper and WWE female wrestler Asuka to Cabinet positions to be announced later in order to fulfill Biden’s promise of including women of colorful hair.

A few non-Cabinet level positions Biden is considering includes Madonna as spiritual adviser because Amtrak Joe is a good Catholic.  He also believes the Material Girl will set the ethical bar high for an OBiden-Bama administration.

Finally, Biden is also considering placing MSNBC anchor Brian Williams as head of the Office of Management and Budget because the journalist has a shrewd ability to manipulate statistics to say whatever a Democrat administration needs them to say.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Photo sources:  Business Insider, The Guardian, jamiegreening.com

Copyright 2020, Dean A. George©

Vladimir Putin Announces Candidacy

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Just when you thought the Democrat presidential primary couldn’t get any crazier than Joe Biden butchering the Declaration of Independence, the unbelievable happens.

Today CNN is reporting that Russian president Vladimir Putin has announced plans to run as a Democrat in the 2020 presidential race.

When questioned by CNN’s John King about this unexpected event, Putin just smiled and said through an interpreter he believed his years of experience as the head of a communist superpower gives him a leg up on the current crop of socialist wannabes.

Confirming Democrat suspicions that President Trump was Putin’s stooge, Putin said by running as a Democrat presidential candidate he could eliminate Trump as a middleman and run the American ship of state more efficiently without all that checks and balance nonsense.

“It’s what you Americans call a win-win,” Putin said through an interpreter.  “Democrats get rid of Trump and America gets an experienced Commander-in-Chief who pledges not to use Twitter and insult his political opponents with silly names,” Putin said while pointing a finger gun at John Roberts of Fox News.

As for his qualifications to serve as president of both Russia and America, Putin pointed to America’s booming economy under his puppet Trump:

  • 4 million new jobs since Putin helped Trump steal the election from Hillary Clinton and 3.5 million since Trump took office
  • Jobless claims at their lowest level in 5 decades
  • African-American, Hispanic, and Asian-American unemployment rates with recently reached record lows.
  • Youth unemployment recently reached its lowest level in more than 50 years.
  • 68 percent of Americans reported receiving a pay increase in the past year.

When quizzed about the Constitutional requirements for presidential eligibility, the bare chested Putin made a dismissive motion before mounting a brown stallion and producing papers documenting his American citizenship and proof of residency.

When asked how he got his American citizenship, Putin smiled wanly and credited former Russian president Dmitry Medvedev and the Obama Administration for providing that and a legal address at the University of California-Berkeley.

In exchange the newest Democrat 2020 candidate fixed Hillary Clinton’s broken reset button and returned it to the State Department with a lifetime guarantee.

The Sanders campaign quickly criticized today’s surprise development when the frustrated Democrat front runner said, “Vladimir Putin already had his chance at universal health care and free college tuition and he failed.  Putin isn’t progressive enough.  It’s time to give someone else a shot – it’s the right thing to do.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Photo source: ABC News,  The Telegraph

Copyright 2020, Dean A. George©

How to Winnow Friends and Infuriate Voters

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Democrat presidential candidate and former NYC mayor Mike Bloomberg has announced plans to write a sequel to one of the world’s bestselling self-help books of all time.

After last night’s debate performance Bloomberg needs all the self-help he can get.

Mini-Mike has announced plans to write a modern day follow-up to Dale Carnegie’s popular bestseller, “How To Win Friends and Influence People.” The working title is “How A Billionaire Wins Friends and Influences Voters by Awakening the Giant Within and Developing 7 Highly Effective Habits.”

Below are some early excerpts from the new book:

  • “Kill it,” Bloomberg told a saleswoman when she explained she was pregnant.
  • “You’ve got to get the guns out of the hands of the people that are getting killed.”
  • “People in these neighborhoods are poor, they’re not going to be able to pay off their mortgages, tell your salesmen don’t go into those areas.”
  • “I can teach anybody to be a farmer.  It’s a process. You dig a hole, put a seed in, put dirt on top, add water, up comes the corn.”
  • (Aptitude of tech workers compared to farmers) The skill sets that you have to learn are how to think and analyze, and that is a whole degree level different.  You have to have a different skill set, you have to have a lot more gray matter.”

Bloomberg campaign spokeswoman Faiz Shakir says the former three-time mayor of New York City is uniquely qualified to pen such a book because he’s got the best friends money can buy, and he has a proven track record of influencing voters by spending millions to buy their attention.

Shakir reminded voters that Bloomberg would be a better Commander-in-Chief than President Trump because he’s wealthier but not as arrogant or abrasive – unless you aren’t like Mike.

If Bloomberg beats out fellow presidential candidate Bernie Sanders, America’s best known millionaire communist, Mike the Munchkin would be the country’s first billionaire socialist to occupy the Oval Office.

Photo sources: floridapolitics.com, kobo.com

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Copyright 2020, Dean A. George©

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