“Good evening viewers, and welcome to The Story. I’m your host, Martha MacCallum, and we have a very special panel assembled tonight to discuss Washington’s hottest story: the impeachment of President Donald Trump.
“Joining me tonight are three household names, at least for those who paid attention in high school history class. Tonight we welcome three legendary Virginians – former president James Madison, George Mason, the author of Virginia’s Declaration of Rights, and Constitutional Convention delegate Edmund Randolph.
“Gentlemen, welcome to The Story. President Madison, let’s start with you, sir. Your general impression of this historic impeachment of America’s 45th president?”
“In a word ma’am, ‘scandalous.’ This fiasco is a perfect example of why we set the bar for impeachment so high. It was never intended to be used as a bludgeon and to be abused by someone like Mr. Pencil Neck and that saucy, slurring wench Pelosi.
“So you think these impeachment hearings don’t meet the criteria you and others intended?” MacCallum asked.
“Certainly not,” the diminutive fourth president exclaimed. ‘Abuse of power’ and ‘obstruction of justice’ are hardly impeachable offenses as we designed them – even if they are brought by a congenital liar whose eyes look like he cheated the hangman more than once.
“Allow me to translate the impeachment articles as submitted by the House impeachment managers: Article 1: We detest Donald Trump, and Article 2: We can’t beat Donald Trump at the ballot box.”
“And what say you, Mr. Mason? Do you agree with President Madison’s assessment?” MacCallum asked.
“Quite, my dear,” Mason snorted. “The first article of impeachment, abuse of power, is so vague it could mean anything from the president tweeted fat jokes about Jerrold Nadler, to he entered Maxine Waters into the Westminster Dog Show. It’s a preposterous charge…the articles of impeachment, I mean, not about entering Mrs. Waters into a dog show.
“And the second count, sir? Obstruction of Congress?” MacCallum queried.
“Balderdash!” Mason said vehemently. “Defending yourself against rogue intelligence agents, slanderous members of Congress and a soft coup by ‘Deep State’ pencil pushers is hardly obstructing Congress.”
“Mr. Randolph, what about you? Your feelings on the nation’s third impeachment effort against a sitting president?” MacCallum asked Virginia’s seventh governor.
“It’s all incredulous,” Randolph said quietly. “From our unique vantage point as authors of the Constitution, its obvious that President Trump wasn’t soliciting interference in 2020, but rather was seeking a commitment from a country receiving American foreign aid as to whether illicit election interference occurred in 2016.”
“The whole kit and caboodle sounds like something Benedict Arnold would have done against George Washington!” he added disgustedly.
“Gentlemen, thank you for being here and for sharing your take on the Trump impeachment,” MacCallum said at the interview’s conclusion. “I can’t let you go, though, without asking all of you about your opinion on the hit Broadway musical, Alexander Hamilton.
Almost as one the trio rolled their eyes before Madison replied, “Hamilton has been insufferable since that damnable show went live. Know what’s funny, though? Alex can’t carry a tune to save his life, and we all know that white men can’t dance!”
Photo source: wikipedia.com, history.com, salon.com
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