Tag: Bernie Sanders

Trump Behind “Hairy” Conspiracy

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It’s only mid-August and conspiracy theories are in full bloom in the nation’s capitol. 

The “Gotcha” speculations are so profuse they outnumber human droppings in Nancy Botoxi’s Scat Francisco district.  Someone should create a spreadsheet to keep track.

Most recently is Jeffrey Epstein’s dubious “suicide.” The week before was the left blaming President Trump for the tragic mass shootings in El Paso and Dayton. 

Ongoing is the spurious impeachment proceedings by unhinged Democrats in the House of Representatives, both the “formal” and “informal” variety. 

I asked my Android personal digital assistant to define “informal impeachment proceeding” and it displayed an image of Jerry Nadler in Bermuda shorts sipping a Mai Tai.

Finally, there is Episode 4, Act 3, Scene 2 in the Russian Collusion Illusion.

Today there’s another “hairy” conspiracy that has so far gone unreported, and Dean Riffs has the exclusive details.

Donald Trump will soon be accused by rival presidential campaigns, the mainstream media and the loopy staff of Morning Joe and Rachel Maddow of “scripting” front runner Joe Biden’s gaffes through a nefarious new mode of sensory processing disorder.

Code named “Joe Blows,” the diabolical sensory processor will be blamed for a string of recent Biden verbal blunders, including:

“We choose unity over division. We choose science over fiction. We choose truth over facts…”  

“Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids…”

“Those kids in Parkland came to see me when I was Vice-President.” NOTE: Parkland shooting happened in 2018 – Joe Biden’s term as Vice-President was over January 20, 2017.

Using a cutting edge process pioneered by Russian intelligence, reportedly Orange Man Bad has managed to implant a form of nanotechnology into Biden’s hair plugs that allow the president and his campaign team to inject pre-written messaging into Biden’s speeches.

The result:  the Democrat front-runner sounds like a senile, over-the-hill presidential candidate rather than the charismatic, energetic, hair-sniffing dynamo he really is.

The reaction from the president’s 2020 Democrat chew toy opponents was immediate:

“This is a very dangerous president who makes Americans’ hair stand on end.”  – Spartacus

“If you ask me, he’s a racist, a white supremacist and a bully.  The president’s candidacy is hanging by a hair.”  – Robert Francis O’Rourke from his skateboard

“Look, I don’t want to split hairs and it gives me no pleasure to say this, but I think all of the evidence out there suggests that we have a president who is a racist, a xenophobe, and has just managed to avoid impeachment by a hair.” – Bernie “Back in the USSR” Sanders

“He’s changing the conversation, and if we allow him to do that we will tear our hair out rather than focus on real solutions for real Americans.” – Beto O’Rourke again, but this time standing on a diner counter in someone’s chili and crackers.

High level sources reveal that Trump got the idea of hijacking Biden’s thought processes from son Baron after father and son watched Bruce Almighty together.

 

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Photo sources: c-fam.org, politics.theonion.com, Movie Clips

 

Copyright 2019, Dean A. George©

Democrat Presidential Candidate Sale!

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Samantha Socialist knew it was time to replace her 10-year-old Prius when an Amish farmer flipped her off one morning while passing her in his overloaded hay wagon.

Upon arriving at work Samantha borrowed a copy of Auto-Traitor from her friend Bart, a female Betty transitioning to a male Bart.  Prior to being Betty, Bart/Betty fancied xi/xis self as Bumble Bee or Optimus Prime of the Transformers depending on zi/zis’s available wardrobe that day. 

Both Sam and Bart/Betty worked on the assembly line at the Green Splice environmental plant recycling pixels and fonts from politically conservative websites that had been banned by social media’s Big Three.

Within minutes of skimming the Auto-Traitor Sam located the ride she thought would be perfect.  The Tom Steyer Dynamo was a completely green hybrid that ran on grass clippings, rainbow wishes and UV-protected solar power.

After work Sam buzzed down to the Sanders-Warren Commie Car Corner to kick the tires and meet salesman C. Booker, whose name tag for some reason read “Spartacus.”

Spartacus proudly walked her through the car’s impressive features, including its 200-unicorn-powered engine, its patented open borders acceleration technology; the slave reparations all-wheel drive, and its green new deal emissions standards.

“The manufacturer’s warranty also includes free handouts to any undocumented immigrants who carpool with you or you help sneak over the border.  The handouts include food stamps, medical care, housing vouchers, abortion on demand and free public education for the little ones,” Booker said in a rhetorical flourish. 

“Cages for the kids are available in the EX package,” he added triumphantly.

After test driving the Dynamo it was time for the part Sam dreaded the most: haggling over the price.   Much to her relief co-owner Bernie Sanders rescued her and told her to put away her filthy green money.

“At this dealership we believe driving a car is a human right – not something to profit from,” he said in an accent that strangely reminded her of Seinfeld writer and producer Larry David.

“Driving an environmentally-friendly car should be recognized as a human right, not a privilege,” he intoned in front of an American flag.  “Every man, woman and child in our country should be able to access the transportation they need regardless of their income,” he added emphatically.

Smiling, Sam thanked him but there was something she had to know.  “How do you stay in business giving away free cars and stuff?”

In one of the scariest experiences of her life, Bernie smiled at her for what seemed an eternity.  Thankfully, his smile eventually disappeared and he replied in earnest, “Don’t you worry about us; we’ll be fine.  However, we are living in a nation and in a world which worships the acquisition of money and great wealth.

“I don’t think that is the country you should be living in.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Sources: The News Junkie’s Cartoons, Inside Edition, Fox Business

Photo source: blog.beforward.jp, New York Post,  DLPNG.com

 

Copyright 2019, Dean A. George©

 

Democrats Say the Darnedest Things

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Long before camcorders and America’s Funniest Home Videos, radio and TV personality Art Linkletter used to host a show called, “Kids Say the Darnedest Things.”

Today it is Democrat presidential candidates saying the “darnedest” things, and while some candidates are older than others, all are old enough to know better than to say the darnedest things they’ve been saying.

Bernie Sanders

America’s best known socialist Bernie Sanders has added another wacko herb to his socialism stew by supporting the right of murderers, rapists, violent offenders and terrorists to vote.

“I believe even if they are in jail, they’re paying the price to society, that should not take away their inherent American right to participate in our democracy,” he said recently.

What about those Americans permanently disenfranchised because they were killed by those Bernie wants to give the right to vote? Last I looked the right not to be murdered is an ‘inherent American right’ too.

Elizabeth Warren 

Everyone’s favorite Native American wannabe recently proposed forgiving the student loan debt of 95 percent of those owing on college loans.

When announcing her plan Lieawatha said it “helps millions of families and removes a weight that’s holding back our economy.”

But wait, does she speak with a forked tongue – again?

The Brookings Institution reports under Sitting Baloney’s plan, the majority of those benefiting from the loan forgiveness program would be the nation’s highest earners.

Specifically, the top 20 percent of the highest income households would receive about 27 percent of all annual savings, and the top 40 percent about 66 percent.

The bottom 20 percent of borrowers by income would get only 4 percent of the savings.

Why would Pocahontas devise a plan favoring the richest students? And what of those students saddled with debt before the launch of the Pocahontas Penury Plan? Will they be eligible for ‘tuition reparations’ or Starbucks gift cards?

Kamala Harris 

California senator Kamala Harris said at a recent town hall sponsored by CNN (Collusion News Network):

“There are people in Washington, D.C., supposed leaders, who have failed to have the courage to reject a false choice which suggests you’re either in favor of the second amendment or you want to take everyone’s guns away.”

She then promised that if Congress failed to act on gun control in her first 100 days as president, she would sign an executive order overriding the Second Amendment and forcibly take guns away from those she doesn’t think should have them.

Read my lips: When a Democrat says we need ‘common sense’ regulations and ‘reasonable gun safety laws’, that always means banning guns.

Only Kamala Harris or any of the other 300 Democrats running for president in 2020 would support the rights of prison felons and terrorists over the rights of legal gun owners guaranteed in the Second Amendment of the Constitution.

Couple their enthusiasm for prisoners’ voting rights with their publicly expressed support for infanticide, the Green New Deal and open borders and voila – Democrats have a winning platform!

Go and run on that platform Democrats – America will love you for it!

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country.  For those who don’t, God bless you but there’s nothing here for you to see. 

Sources: foxnews.com, Brookings Institution

Photo sources: LMG Flip, Hawaii News Now, National Review

Copyright 2019, Dean A. George©

Dems Announce Plan to Sue Selves

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MANHATTAN, NY  Last Friday the Democrat National Committee filed a lawsuit in federal court alleging a conspiracy by the Trump campaign, Russia and WikiLeaks to sabotage nominee Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign chances in favor of Donald Trump.

The complaint accused top Trump campaign officials of colluding with Russia to force Clinton to take naps, overindulge in Chardonnay and forego campaigning in key battleground states Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin.

“This constituted an act of unprecedented treachery: the campaign of a nominee for President of the United States in league with a hostile foreign power to bolster its own chance to win the presidency,” Democrat National Committee Chairman Tom Perez said.

On Monday Perez surprised Republicans again when he filed a second suit in the same Manhattan court, this one announcing the DNC’s plan to sue themselves – specifically 2016 Democrat nominee Hillary Clinton.

“We’d been considering this for several weeks, but the deciding factor was when Congressman Nunes (House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence Chairman R-California), suggested if we really wanted to get to the bottom of Russian collusion ‘we ought to be suing ourselves,’” Perez told gathered reporters.

“Even though Nunes is a Republican, he’s better versed on the Russian collusion narrative than Democrats are – even though we helped pay for it,” Perez admitted candidly.

When asked on Sunday by ABC’s George Stephanopolous if the two lawsuits might distract Democrats from the 2018 elections, Perez calmly reached for a stick of gum.

“One of the reasons we’re winning is because people believe that we should stand up for our democracy. That’s what we’re doing in this lawsuit, George. We can walk and chew gum – see,” Perez demonstrated by walking repeatedly in a tight circle while chomping gum.

According to the court papers filed Monday, the DNC claims in their lawsuit:

• After getting the Democratic nomination, Hillary Clinton failed to campaign as vigorously as she should have when Russian agents surreptitiously replaced her Napa Valley wine with Molotov cocktails;

• Clinton rigged the Democratic nomination by stealing votes from primary opponent Bernie Sanders through manipulation of the super delegate process. She also was charged with bribing Sanders with a third home on Lake Champlain and a free lifetime supply of Ben and Jerry’s;

• Clinton was also charged with misappropriating millions of dollars in DNC donated funds, channeling those to her own campaign and a state-of-the-art email server that would wipe itself – with a cloth.

The Republican National Committee had no comment, although anonymous sources did confirm lots of hooting and guffawing whenever the lawsuit was mentioned.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Sources: truth-out.org

Photo sources: rabble.com, breitbart.com, businessinsider.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

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