Samantha Socialist knew it was time to replace her 10-year-old Prius when an Amish farmer flipped her off one morning while passing her in his overloaded hay wagon.
Upon arriving at work Samantha borrowed a copy of Auto-Traitor from her friend Bart, a female Betty transitioning to a male Bart. Prior to being Betty, Bart/Betty fancied xi/xis self as Bumble Bee or Optimus Prime of the Transformers depending on zi/zis’s available wardrobe that day.
Both Sam and Bart/Betty worked on the assembly line at the Green Splice environmental plant recycling pixels and fonts from politically conservative websites that had been banned by social media’s Big Three.
Within minutes of skimming the Auto-Traitor Sam located the ride she thought would be perfect. The Tom Steyer Dynamo was a completely green hybrid that ran on grass clippings, rainbow wishes and UV-protected solar power.
After work Sam buzzed down to the Sanders-Warren Commie Car Corner to kick the tires and meet salesman C. Booker, whose name tag for some reason read “Spartacus.”
Spartacus proudly walked her through the car’s impressive features, including its 200-unicorn-powered engine, its patented open borders acceleration technology; the slave reparations all-wheel drive, and its green new deal emissions standards.
“The manufacturer’s warranty also includes free handouts to any undocumented immigrants who carpool with you or you help sneak over the border. The handouts include food stamps, medical care, housing vouchers, abortion on demand and free public education for the little ones,” Booker said in a rhetorical flourish.
“Cages for the kids are available in the EX package,” he added triumphantly.
After test driving the Dynamo it was time for the part Sam dreaded the most: haggling over the price. Much to her relief co-owner Bernie Sanders rescued her and told her to put away her filthy green money.
“At this dealership we believe driving a car is a human right – not something to profit from,” he said in an accent that strangely reminded her of Seinfeld writer and producer Larry David.
“Driving an environmentally-friendly car should be recognized as a human right, not a privilege,” he intoned in front of an American flag. “Every man, woman and child in our country should be able to access the transportation they need regardless of their income,” he added emphatically.
Smiling, Sam thanked him but there was something she had to know. “How do you stay in business giving away free cars and stuff?”
In one of the scariest experiences of her life, Bernie smiled at her for what seemed an eternity. Thankfully, his smile eventually disappeared and he replied in earnest, “Don’t you worry about us; we’ll be fine. However, we are living in a nation and in a world which worships the acquisition of money and great wealth.
“I don’t think that is the country you should be living in.”
Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country.
Sources: The News Junkie’s Cartoons, Inside Edition, Fox Business
Photo source: blog.beforward.jp, New York Post, DLPNG.com
Copyright 2019, Dean A. George©