Parkland Florida high school senior anti-gun provocateur David Hogg has reached agreement with quick-on-the-draw Fox News Channel host Laura Ingraham on a way to settle their recent political differences: a robust round of two-handed bridge.
In two-handed bridge the competitors play with imaginary partners. Hogg says his imaginary partner will be Saul Alinsky, while Ingraham announced hers will be Rambo.
The pair reportedly considered a number of competitions before settling on the non-lethal card game. Ingraham proposed laser tag, dodge ball and skeet shooting. Hogg shot down all three options in a testy tirade, labeling all three Ingraham suggestions as too violent.
“A bully is a bully, and Ingraham is a bully that won’t change her stripes,” Hogg said in a confusing mixed metaphor.
Ingraham wryly suggested a waiting period and background checks on Hogg’s future use of metaphors may be needed before he shoots his mouth off again.
Hogg suggested he and Ingraham square off in Trivial Pursuit (1990’s edition), a Dance Off or a lip syncing competition to be judged by Simon Cowell and two judges to be chosen based on a poll of his social media followers.
No date has been announced for the Hogg-Ingraham Bridge Challenge, but both competitors say they are looking forward to it.
“That blonde bit#$ is all about guns and building f*#$@%! walls, but let’s see how she deals with my generation’s choice of building god$@! bridges that remove guns and bring all of us together,” Hogg said in a recent tweet. “And f#@! the NRA.”
Ingraham also sounded feisty on the topic of their upcoming competition.
“I’ve apologized more than once to this jackboot marching little snowflake, and it’s obvious that he’s not interested in forgiveness or a sincere apology, but extracting the maximum amount of flesh he can from his expiring 15-minutes of fame.
“Fine. I played a lot of bridge at Dartmouth and the University of Virginia School of Law – neither of which are schools he’ll ever be able to get into,” she said, eyes flashing defiantly.
“And God bless the NRA.”
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