This just in to our news desk: Federal employees affected by the longest government shutdown in history may soon be going back to work.
Sources close to secret discussions between Republicans, Democrats and President Donald Trump say an agreement may be near at hand.
The parties are reportedly close to reaching an agreement on the president’s request for $5.7 billion to construct a border wall. Surprisingly, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has agreed to the president’s request on just two conditions:
1) President Trump will give New York frosh Democrat Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez an ambassadorial appointment – preferably somewhere far away from the 116th Congress. Pelosi herself is reportedly suggesting Nepal or central Cambodia.
2) President Trump will use his extensive business connections to persuade Burger King to name Rep Rashida Tlaib, the freshman Democrat from Michigan, as their national spokesperson for their Bacon King burger.
Tlaib has also been mentioned as a possible spokesperson for Purina dog food and Holy Land tour guide groups.
Her new job would require frequent travel to different continents and days on location in exotic venues like Aleppo, Syria; Tripoli, Libya and Ashgabat, Turkmenistan.
Sources noted that Speaker Pelosi approached the president via back channels, surprising Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer whose office was not consulted on the new development.
A Schumer spokesperson confessed the New York senator was initially “miffed” at not being consulted, but agreed that Pelosi’s actions were understandable considering Representatives Ocasio-Cortez and Tlaib were “special” elected officials with wide ranging talents.
Pelosi just had this to say through her spokesperson:
“We feel it would be selfish to deny these two gifted females the unique opportunities available to them. We wish them the best of success in their new ventures, and hope they will bring the same initiative and vision to their new responsibilities as they did during their short time in the 116th Congress.”
Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country.
Sources: Washington Post, The Guardian
Photo sources: Movement for a People’s Party, Daily Caller
Copyright 2019, Dean A. George©