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<\/p>\nMIDDLE EAST – In a surprising move to many, ISIS recently canceled the remainder of its jihadist season in the European League due to the coronavirus.<\/p>\n
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The Sunday Times of London<\/em><\/span><\/strong><\/a> reports that ISIS announced a \u2018sharia\u2019 directive at a hastily called press conference warning hundreds of its members about conducting terrorism activities throughout Europe during the coronavirus pandemic.<\/p>\n ISIS said it was taking the extreme step in order to protect its players and the league’s branding strategy of fear and chaos.<\/p>\n “The healthy should not enter the land of the epidemic,” ISIS League President Mohammad M Mohammed announced in somber tones.<\/p>\n President Mohammed also referred to COVID-19<\/a><\/span><\/strong> as a “plague” and a “torment sent by Allah on whomsoever he wills, but especially infidels who don’t wash their hands<\/span><\/strong><\/a> and shamelessly touch their faces while playing Fortnite<\/em> and binge watching Netflix<\/em> movies.<\/p>\n In the sharia directive jihadists were instructed to wash their hands regularly and to cover their mouth when sneezing or yawning.\u00a0 There was no guidance about covering their faces since that’s a given when conducting terrorist activity.<\/p>\n When queried why jihadists seemingly willing to blow themselves up conducting acts of terrorism were afraid of germs and catching flu from Europeans,\u00a0 Mohammed quickly belittled the questioner.<\/p>\n “Not all soldiers of Allah blow themselves up,” he said vehemently. “Our team rosters also include brave men willing to use knives, automobiles and machetes against unsuspecting infidels<\/span>.”<\/p>\n But Mohammed wasn’t through yet.<\/p>\n “Idiots! That’s your typical infidel stereotyping of our martyr-to-be Muslim youth,” he spat in disgust.<\/p>\n There followed an awkward moment before Mohammad Mohammed discretely withdrew a Lysol aerosol bottle from a pocket of his black Nike hoodie and sprayed disinfectant over his spittle before cautiously wiping it up.<\/p>\n “Apologies,” he muttered quietly.\u00a0 “You infidels drive me crazy.”<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.deanriffs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/ISIS-Fighters-300x211.jpg\")
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