{"id":4485,"date":"2019-08-14T11:31:31","date_gmt":"2019-08-14T15:31:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.deanriffs.com\/?p=4485"},"modified":"2019-08-14T15:44:40","modified_gmt":"2019-08-14T19:44:40","slug":"trump-behind-hairy-conspiracy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.deanriffs.com\/index.php\/2019\/08\/14\/trump-behind-hairy-conspiracy\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump Behind “Hairy” Conspiracy"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s only mid-August and conspiracy theories are in full bloom in the nation’s capitol.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The “Gotcha” speculations<\/span>\u00a0are so profuse<\/span> they outnumber human droppings in Nancy Botoxi’s Scat Francisco district.\u00a0 Someone should create a spreadsheet to keep track.<\/p>\n

Most recently is Jeffrey Epstein’s dubious “suicide.” The week before was the left blaming President Trump for the tragic mass shootings in El Paso and Dayton.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Ongoing is the spurious impeachment proceedings by unhinged Democrats<\/span><\/strong><\/a> in the House of Representatives, both the “formal” and “informal” variety.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I asked my Android personal digital assistant to define “informal impeachment proceeding” and it displayed an image of Jerry Nadler in Bermuda shorts sipping a Mai Tai.<\/p>\n

Finally, there is Episode 4, Act 3, Scene 2 in the Russian Collusion Illusion<\/span><\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

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Today there’s another “hairy” conspiracy that has so far gone unreported, and Dean Riffs<\/em> has the exclusive details.<\/p>\n

Donald Trump will soon be accused by rival presidential campaigns, the mainstream media and the loopy staff of Morning Joe <\/em>and Rachel Maddow <\/em>of\u00a0“scripting” front runner Joe Biden’s gaffes through a nefarious new mode of sensory processing disorder.<\/p>\n

Code named “Joe Blows,” the diabolical sensory processor will be blamed for a string of recent Biden verbal blunders<\/span><\/strong><\/a>, including:<\/p>\n

“We choose unity over division. We choose science over fiction. We choose truth over facts<\/strong><\/em>…\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

“Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids<\/strong><\/em>…\u201d<\/p>\n

“Those kids in Parkland came to see me when I was Vice-President.”<\/em><\/strong> NOTE: Parkland shooting happened in 2018 – Joe Biden’s term as Vice-President was over January 20, 2017.<\/p>\n

Using a cutting edge process pioneered by Russian intelligence, reportedly Orange Man Bad has managed to implant a form of nanotechnology into Biden’s hair plugs that allow the president and his campaign team to inject pre-written messaging into Biden’s speeches.<\/p>\n

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The result:\u00a0 the Democrat front-runner sounds like a senile, over-the-hill presidential candidate rather than the charismatic, energetic, hair-sniffing dynamo he really is.<\/p>\n

The reaction from the president’s 2020 Democrat chew toy opponents was immediate:<\/p>\n

\n

“This is a very dangerous president who makes Americans’ hair stand on end.”\u00a0<\/strong> – Spartacus<\/p>\n

“If you ask me, he’s a racist, a white supremacist and a bully. \u00a0The president’s candidacy is hanging by a hair.”<\/strong>\u00a0 –<\/b> Robert Francis O’Rourke from his skateboard<\/p>\n

“Look, I don’t want to split hairs and it gives me no pleasure to say this, but I think all of the evidence out there suggests that we have a president who is a racist, a xenophobe, and has just managed to avoid impeachment by a hair.” <\/strong>– Bernie “Back in the USSR” Sanders<\/p>\n

“He\u2019s changing the conversation, and if we allow him to do that we will tear our hair out rather than focus on real solutions for real Americans.” –<\/strong> Beto O’Rourke again, but this time standing on a diner counter in someone’s chili and crackers.<\/p>\n

High level sources reveal that Trump got the idea of hijacking Biden’s thought processes from son Baron after father and son watched Bruce Almighty together.<\/p>\n