Magoo and Clouseau To Help Mueller

On Thursday the White House announced that two-time New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani was joining the president’s legal team, along with Marty and Jane Raskin of the Florida-based law firm Raskin & Raskin.

Today Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s office followed suit with a surprise announcement of its own.

Mueller spokesman Peter Carr announced two late additions to Mueller’s legal team: J. Quincy Magoo and French legal legend Jacques Clouseau.

Magoo is known as a flighty but tenacious prosecutor who has enjoyed uncanny luck throughout his storied career.

He has proven experience in maneuvering around all kinds of obstacles and his seemingly random meanderings often provide unique perspectives that have helped him ferret out details others miss.

Clouseau is a legend in his native France. He has been in professional law enforcement since the late 1960’s and has a storied reputation for his unorthodox methods.

As an inspector for the French Sûreté, his greatest notoriety occurred when he single-handedly solved a string of high profile thefts involving some of that country’s most influential and wealthiest families.

When asked why Mueller was seeking the services of the famed French law enforcement legend, Carr replied that the two met by happenstance last month when Inspector Clouseau’s water skis got entangled with Mueller’s Russian collusion fishing expedition off the coast of Seychelles.

According to Carr, Magoo was hired a week later after wandering into Mueller’s office mumbling about President Trump’s tweets and Russian caviar. Mueller took that as an omen that Magoo was perfect for his team.

Mueller said through Carr that his team was elated to welcome the legendary pair to his team.

“We are thrilled to have Quincy and Jacques join us in this endeavor,” Mueller said. “We’re confident their unique experience will help us connect the dots in proving Trump’s Russian collusion once and for all.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Source: youtube.com
Photo source: Photo sources: imdb.com, pinterest.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

Snipe Fishing in Seychelles

I’d read the media reports about Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s latest episode clambering down the Trump-Russian collusion rabbit hole – halfway across the world no less – but decided to check things out for myself.

Two days later I found Mueller and a small team of lawyers aboard a luxury yacht off the coast of Seychelles.  At least I assume they were lawyers.  Most were wearing loosened Brooks Brothers suit ties with their swim trunks and sunglasses.

Apparently his Special Counselness appreciated the time away as I found him jovial and receptive to my questions.

How’s the fishing?
“Worth the trip! We’ve had some promising nibbles of corruption and Russian cronyism since anchoring here.  It may look like we’re casting too wide a net here on the east coast of Africa looking for Trump’s Russian collusion, but it’s out there – we just know it!”

So you’re fishing for collusion?

“Oh yeah! That’s what taxpayers are paying us for. Don’t let the rumors we’ve gathered no proof the past year fool you.  The facts that the Russians tried to influence the last presidential campaign by bribing Trump and his campaign team is as plain as the fact Hillary would have won if it weren’t for some illegal leaking of classified information.”

Speaking of leaks, don’t you have that problem yourself?

“We’re leaking?! Omigosh, where’s the life preservers?!”

I was speaking about the leaks coming from your legal team. And isn’t it true that your hiring was based on your pal Jim Comey leaking classified information to a friend who in turn leaked to the New York Times?

“Look here.  We’ve got some excellent leads on Trump-Russian collusion that led us here to this remote island location far away from boring grand juries and Fox News.  Trust me; the president’s house of cards will be coming down as soon as we connect those dots our witnesses left us like bread crumbs on these pristine waters. Caviar?”

We know you are looking at Blackwater founder Erik Prince’s involvement with a United Arab Emirates contact.  Prince never held a formal role in the Trump campaign, transition team or the administration. What gives?

“We’re merely following the evidence where it leads, and specifically whether the UAE was trying to buy political influence by supporting the Trump campaign.  Vodka?”

You mean like Hillary Clinton was doing with donations to the Clinton Foundation?

“That’s not in our purview.  Our mandate is to prove collusion between Russia and Trump to unduly influence our election.  And we won’t quit our first class worldwide jet-setting, nosing in 20-year-old business deals and spending the taxpayers’ money until we do!  And that’s a promise you can take to the Clinton Foundation bank!”

So you’re trying to prove the president is guilty of what Hillary did, even though there’s plenty of evidence of Hillary’s complicity and absolutely none with Trump?

“Exactly!  Everyone knows Hillary’s guilty and the Clinton Foundation was a cash cow for her and Bill, so there’s no need for lawyers to prove any of that.  The money to be had in that case is proving their innocence and frankly, who wants that job?!”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs.  Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country.  For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Photo sources: fishinginseychelles.com, theonion.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

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