Trump Behind “Hairy” Conspiracy

It’s only mid-August and conspiracy theories are in full bloom in the nation’s capitol. 

The “Gotcha” speculations are so profuse they outnumber human droppings in Nancy Botoxi’s Scat Francisco district.  Someone should create a spreadsheet to keep track.

Most recently is Jeffrey Epstein’s dubious “suicide.” The week before was the left blaming President Trump for the tragic mass shootings in El Paso and Dayton. 

Ongoing is the spurious impeachment proceedings by unhinged Democrats in the House of Representatives, both the “formal” and “informal” variety. 

I asked my Android personal digital assistant to define “informal impeachment proceeding” and it displayed an image of Jerry Nadler in Bermuda shorts sipping a Mai Tai.

Finally, there is Episode 4, Act 3, Scene 2 in the Russian Collusion Illusion.

Today there’s another “hairy” conspiracy that has so far gone unreported, and Dean Riffs has the exclusive details.

Donald Trump will soon be accused by rival presidential campaigns, the mainstream media and the loopy staff of Morning Joe and Rachel Maddow of “scripting” front runner Joe Biden’s gaffes through a nefarious new mode of sensory processing disorder.

Code named “Joe Blows,” the diabolical sensory processor will be blamed for a string of recent Biden verbal blunders, including:

We choose unity over division. We choose science over fiction. We choose truth over facts…”  

Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids…”

Those kids in Parkland came to see me when I was Vice-President.” NOTE: Parkland shooting happened in 2018 – Joe Biden’s term as Vice-President was over January 20, 2017.

Using a cutting edge process pioneered by Russian intelligence, reportedly Orange Man Bad has managed to implant a form of nanotechnology into Biden’s hair plugs that allow the president and his campaign team to inject pre-written messaging into Biden’s speeches.

The result:  the Democrat front-runner sounds like a senile, over-the-hill presidential candidate rather than the charismatic, energetic, hair-sniffing dynamo he really is.

The reaction from the president’s 2020 Democrat chew toy opponents was immediate:

“This is a very dangerous president who makes Americans’ hair stand on end.”  – Spartacus

“If you ask me, he’s a racist, a white supremacist and a bully.  The president’s candidacy is hanging by a hair.”  – Robert Francis O’Rourke from his skateboard

“Look, I don’t want to split hairs and it gives me no pleasure to say this, but I think all of the evidence out there suggests that we have a president who is a racist, a xenophobe, and has just managed to avoid impeachment by a hair.” – Bernie “Back in the USSR” Sanders

“He’s changing the conversation, and if we allow him to do that we will tear our hair out rather than focus on real solutions for real Americans.” – Beto O’Rourke again, but this time standing on a diner counter in someone’s chili and crackers.

High level sources reveal that Trump got the idea of hijacking Biden’s thought processes from son Baron after father and son watched Bruce Almighty together.

 

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Photo sources: c-fam.org, politics.theonion.com, Movie Clips

 

Copyright 2019, Dean A. George©

Democrat Presidential Candidate Sale!

Samantha Socialist knew it was time to replace her 10-year-old Prius when an Amish farmer flipped her off one morning while passing her in his overloaded hay wagon.

Upon arriving at work Samantha borrowed a copy of Auto-Traitor from her friend Bart, a female Betty transitioning to a male Bart.  Prior to being Betty, Bart/Betty fancied xi/xis self as Bumble Bee or Optimus Prime of the Transformers depending on zi/zis’s available wardrobe that day. 

Both Sam and Bart/Betty worked on the assembly line at the Green Splice environmental plant recycling pixels and fonts from politically conservative websites that had been banned by social media’s Big Three.

Within minutes of skimming the Auto-Traitor Sam located the ride she thought would be perfect.  The Tom Dyer Dynamo was a completely green hybrid that ran on grass clippings, rainbow wishes and UV-protected solar power.

After work Sam buzzed down to the Sanders-Warren Commie Car Corner to kick the tires and meet salesman C. Booker, whose name tag for some reason read “Spartacus.”

Spartacus proudly walked her through the car’s impressive features, including its 200-unicorn-powered engine, its patented open borders acceleration technology; the slave reparations all-wheel drive, and its green new deal emissions standards.

“The manufacturer’s warranty also includes free handouts to any undocumented immigrants who carpool with you or you help sneak over the border.  The handouts include food stamps, medical care, housing vouchers, abortion on demand and free public education for the little ones,” Booker said in a rhetorical flourish. 

“Cages for the kids are available in the EX package,” he added triumphantly.

After test driving the Dynamo it was time for the part Sam dreaded the most: haggling over the price.   Much to her relief co-owner Bernie Sanders rescued her and told her to put away her filthy green money.

“At this dealership we believe driving a car is a human right – not something to profit from,” he said in an accent that strangely reminded her of Seinfeld writer and producer Larry David.

“Driving an environmentally-friendly car should be recognized as a human right, not a privilege,” he intoned in front of an American flag.  “Every man, woman and child in our country should be able to access the transportation they need regardless of their income,” he added emphatically.

Smiling, Sam thanked him but there was something she had to know.  “How do you stay in business giving away free cars and stuff?”

In one of the scariest experiences of her life, Bernie smiled at her for what seemed an eternity.  Thankfully, his smile eventually disappeared and he replied in earnest, “Don’t you worry about us; we’ll be fine.  However, we are living in a nation and in a world which worships the acquisition of money and great wealth.

“I don’t think that is the country you should be living in.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Sources: The News Junkie’s Cartoons, Inside Edition, Fox Business

Photo source: blog.beforward.jp, New York PostDLPNG.com

 

Copyright 2019, Dean A. George©

 

Socialist Scout Troop #666 Cookie Sale

Everywhere you look there are visuals of the Squawk Squad doing what they do best – squawking about pet peeves that they whine are endangering our constitutional liberties.

Here is a partial list:

  • Trump is acting like Hitler;
  • Trump is racist and is enabling racism;
  • Undocumented children are being held in cages;
  • Border Patrol and ICE are acting like Nazi concentration camp guards;
  • The country hasn’t passed the New Green Deal because Americans are racists;
  • Boycotting Israel is the same as boycotting Nazi Germany;
  • We need a $20 minimum wage to afford milk and eggs;
  • Taxpayer funded abortions should be made available to all illegal immigrants.

The last place I expected to see the Squirrely Squawk Squad was fundraising at a roadside stand but as we all know, these socialistic gal-pals will appear anywhere there are cameras and a crowd..

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was ready for her closeup – waving her arms like a loon, spouting economic gibberish and mauling World War II analogies.

Ilhan Omar was fantasizing about being Audrey Hepburn in a hijab and cursing Israel and President Trump.

Rashida Tlaib was stomping around shouting epithets and saying she was going to “impeach” the motherf#%$&#! every 10 words.

Ayanna Pressley – was denouncing black faces that don’t sound black and brown faces that don’t sound brown and white faces who always sound racist.

In their “Kookie” tent each member of the Scurrilous Squad had their own personalized cookie they were promoting:

Alexandria Opportunist-Coronado was pushing a graham cracker cookie covered in chocolate and marshmallow because she’s always wanting s’more and s’more of our money.

Incestuous Ilhan Omar was peddling camel caramel chocolate chip cookies (Don’t ask about the camel ingredient.)  She said cookies for Jewish and Christian customers came with a “Somali surprise” in lieu of chocolate chips, and a hint of sea salt reflecting her spicy Somali personality.

Rashida #$%#%^! Tlaib favored a tangy lemon-iced cookie powdered with hummus, olive oil and Palestinian pine nuts.  Each cookie contained a fortune: a favorite Tlaib Palestinian epithet.

Aryan Pressley raved about her skinny cookie which was a round, mint-flavored cookie coated in chocolate. Pressley’s cookie had a special ingredient:  a Boston Bean extract that conjured hallucinations that make Pressley sound like Oprah Winfrey when speaking in public.

Cookie prices were available in three tiers:

Undocumented immigrants – FREE
Brothers and Sisters of Color – Whatever you can afford
White skinned and tanned Caucasians – $5 per cookie or $65 a dozen.  NO CRACKER CHECKS!

The Mob Squad sold all their cookies before noon when a PBS limousine spotted them, bought all their inventory and announced plans to give single boxes away in their next fundraiser to donors pledging $500 or more.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Sources: Fox News, The Gateway Pundit, The D.C. Shorts, Breitbart, Now This News

Copyright 2019, Dean A. George©

End of Government Shutdown Near?

 

This just in to our news desk: Federal employees affected by the longest government shutdown in history may soon be going back to work.

Sources close to secret discussions between Republicans, Democrats and President Donald Trump say an agreement may be near at hand.

The parties are reportedly close to reaching an agreement on the president’s request for $5.7 billion to construct a border wall.  Surprisingly, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has agreed to the president’s request on just two conditions:

1) President Trump will give New York frosh Democrat Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez an ambassadorial appointment – preferably somewhere far away from the 116th Congress. Pelosi herself is reportedly suggesting Nepal or central Cambodia.

2) President Trump will use his extensive business connections to persuade Burger King to name Rep Rashida Tlaib, the freshman Democrat from Michigan, as their national spokesperson for their Bacon King burger.

Tlaib has also been mentioned as a possible spokesperson for Purina dog food and Holy Land tour guide groups.

Her new job would require frequent travel to different continents and days on location in exotic venues like Aleppo, Syria;  Tripoli, Libya and Ashgabat, Turkmenistan.

Sources noted that Speaker Pelosi approached the president via back channels, surprising Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer whose office was not consulted on the new development. 

A Schumer spokesperson confessed the New York senator was initially “miffed” at not being consulted, but agreed that Pelosi’s actions were understandable considering Representatives Ocasio-Cortez and Tlaib were “special” elected officials with wide ranging talents.

Pelosi just had this to say through her spokesperson: 

“We feel it would be selfish to deny these two gifted females the unique opportunities available to them.  We wish them the best of success in their new ventures, and hope they will bring the same initiative and vision to their new responsibilities as they did during their short time in the 116th Congress.”

 

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Sources: Washington Post, The Guardian

Photo sources: Movement for a People’s Party, Daily Caller

 

Copyright 2019, Dean A. George©

 

On Trail of Trump-Russian Collaboration

There’s approximately an 0.098 percent chance I’ll go trick or treating this Halloween. If I do though, I’m going as Elizabeth Warren.

But Lieawatha being outed by her own DNA wasn’t the only October news causing Democrats to groan.

Designated DNA Hitter

Special Counsel Robert Mueller announced that his long-awaited report and liberal fantasy of Trump collusion with Russia won’t be released until after the Nov 6 mid-terms.

So much for roasting Trump over a SJW bonfire before the election.

There is a silver lining for those supporting the ailing Russian collusion narrative, though.

Anonymous sources close to Mueller’s investigation tells Dean Riff’s that Herr Mueller has opened a new line of investigation promising hopeful returns on Russian collaboration even as the dubious fool’s gold vein of Russian collusion peters out.

Could an innocuous cover band that specializes in playing hit songs by the band Chicago be the key for Mueller’s minions to finally prove the Trump campaign collaborated with Russia to influence the 2016 presidential election?

Proven Russian Collaboration

Here’s what we know:

Russian band Leonid & Friends appeared on the public scene three years ago at about the same time Trump descended the escalator at Trump Tower in Manhattan announcing his candidacy for president of the United States.

Since that time the band has gained increasing notoriety for their uncanny ability to perform numerous Americana-like Chicago songs with unerring accuracy to the band’s early sound.  They have performed flawless versions of Chicago classics like “Make Me Smile,” “25 or 6 to 4,” and “Saturday in the Park.”

Reportedly Mueller’s stoog – er, investigators, have zeroed in on the fact Leonid & Friends have never performed Chicago’s 1975 song, “Harry Truman.”

Consider this: Both Donald Trump and Harry Truman have 11 letters in their name, and both have served as U.S. presidents. Like Trump, Truman also had many critics within his own party, and both talked in colorful language punctuated by occasional expletives.

Truman is the only U.S. president to have dropped an atomic bomb during war time. Trump has occasionally referenced dropping bombs on America’s enemies.

Is talk of Leonid & Friends touring the U.S. a coded sign that Trump is about to drop a hammer and sickle on his enemies? Iran? Central America? Creepy porn lawyer Michael Avenatti or CNN flack Jim Acosta?

Only time will tell, but if you hear that Leonid & Friends is performing at a Trump venue or campaign event, remember – you heard it here first.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

Photo sources: The Looking Spoon, Leonid and Friends

 

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

 

Deep State Game Show – The D.C. Squares

( TV ANNOUNCER) “One of these high level political insiders is sitting in the secret square, and the contestant who picks it first could win an all-expense paid trip to a special Caribbean hideaway to share with the insider of their choice! Which political insider is it?

“Is it…James Comey, John Brennan, James Clapper, Andrew McCabe, Bruce Ohr, Sally Yates, Peter Strozk, Lisa Page, or Robert Mueller?

Now here’s the Master of The D.C. Squares, Hot Rod Rothstein!”

ROTHSTEIN: “Good evening, and welcome to The D.C. Squares – America’s favorite Deep State game show! Hello insiders, how are you?” And welcome studio audience!  Now let’s meet today’s contestants:

“On my left and representing zero – uh, sorry – I mean ‘O,’ is Attorney General Jeff Sessions. AG Sessions served as the U.S. Senator from Alabama for 20 years before being named the United States’ 84th Attorney General. Welcome, Mr. Attorney General.

“On my right and representing “X” is the current 45th president of the United States, President Donald J. Trump.  President Trump had literally no political experience before beating out 17 veteran Republican politicians for the position he now currently holds. President Trump, welcome. Nice MAGA hat!

“Players, the object is to get three insiders in a row either, up, across or diagonally. It is up the player to decide if the insider is giving them a correct answer or making one up, that is how they win the square. Each square is worth $500 and if you successfully win the secret square, you and the insider of your choice will be treated to the Caribbean vacation surprise mentioned earlier.

“Players, if you’re ready, let’s begin: Attorney General Sessions, you won the coin flip held earlier off-camera. Which insider do you choose?”

SESSIONS: “Andrew McCabe”.

ROTHSTEIN: “I’m sorry Jeff, but you’ve recused yourself from the Russian Collusion investigation and are not allowed to ask questions of Andy McCabe. You also forfeit your turn. Donald, it’s your go.”

TRUMP: “I’ll tell you what Rod. I know what a fan of mine he is, so let’s go with Peter Strozk.”

ROTHSTEIN: “Peter, true or false: Do Virginia Wal-Mart shoppers who supported President Trump smell – true or false?”

STROZK: “Depends upon how close to Saturday night it is, Rod. (Audience boos) “No, Virginia Wal-Mart shoppers don’t smell. At least, any more than those that shop Dollar General or Family Dollar.”

TRUMP: “I’m going to trust Peter this one time, Rod. True.”

ROTHSTEIN: “That would be right, Donald – “X” gets the square. Jeff, it’s your go.”

SESSIONS: “Jim Comey, please.”

ROTHSTEIN: “Oh, I am sorry Jeff, but Comey was also a key player in the Russian Collusion investigation. Hopefully you’ll get another go after the mid-terms – but we doubt it.  Donald, it’s your turn.”

TRUMP: “Texting Queen Lisa Page, Rod.”

ROTHSTEIN: “Lisa, Hillary Clinton would have been the first president in presidential history to require Secret Service assistance for this?”

PAGE:  “Oh, I once texted this to a friend – and no, it wasn’t who you might think. (Audience boos)  The Secret Service would be in charge of transporting and ironing Preside-er, Mrs. Clinton’s pants suits.  Although, let’s be clear – Hillary would always be the one wearing the pants in that relationship.”

TRUMP: I think Ms. Page is lying – again.  Crooked Hillary’s presidential detail would have been required to carry her up and down stair steps, including on Air Force One, down to her personal Chardonnay wine cellar, and wherever on the White House grounds she planned to keep her unsecured email server.”

ROTHSTEIN: “That is right. Contrary to her supporters, Hillary not only can’t walk on water, but she navigates stair steps like a blind, peg-legged pirate marinated in rum-flavored Chardonnay.  “X” gets the square. Jeff, it’s your go”.

SESSIONS: “Uh, er, ummm…are there any non-Russian questions, Rod? Maybe questions to do with marijuana or MS-13?”

ROTHSTEIN: “Let me see. How about an immigration question Jeff?”

SESSIONS: “Yes, that would be great. Sally Yates to block, please.”

ROTHSTEIN:  “Sally, the Tsarnaev brothers’ parents immigrated here with their parents in 2002. The Tsarnaev brothers were a) Circus performers, b) Founders of a Brighton Beach restaurant chain, or c) the Boston Marathon bombers?”

YATES: “I remember seeing the Tsarnaev’s when they played Atlantic City a couple of summers ago. What a great show they put on! The Tsarnaev’s are circus performers.”

SESSIONS: “I disagree Rod. Tamerlan Tsarnaev and his younger brother Dzhokhar were charged with the Boston Marathon bombing, and Tamerlan was ki-”

ROTHSTEIN: “I’m sorry Jeff, but you recused yourself from anything involving Russian collusion.”

SESSIONS: “But they aren’t Russian! The Tsarnaev brothers were Kyrgyzstani-Americans! They were Muslims of Chechen descent!!”

ROTHSTEIN: “That’s right Jeff, but Russian intelligence sources did tip off the FBI about the Tsarnaev’s  being a threat weeks before the bombing, and…”

SESSIONS: “I recused myself from anything involving Russia,” the Attorney General said, hanging his head.

ROTHSTEIN: I’m sorry folks, but that’s all the time we have left in today’s D.C. Squares show, but tune in…”

TRUMP: “No, I’m sorry Rod, but that’s all the time you and all the Deep State insiders have because I’ve decided to declassify all the emails, texts and FISA application records you have refused to turn over to Congress for more than a year.  You can expect that declassification order soon…very soon.

“Johnny, or whatever your name is announcer guy, tell Rod and all the insiders of the Deep State Squares what they’ve won.”

ANNOUNCER: “Yes sir, Mr. President. Our Deep State insiders have all won an all-expense paid trip of a lifetime – for a lifetime, to… Guantanamo Bay, Cuba!”

STUDIO AUDIENCE:  Widespread applause and foot stomping.

TRUMP: “See, we’re keeping our promise to Make America Great Again and drain the swamp – one D.C. swamp critter square at a time. Thank you all for your continued support, and stay tuned for our upcoming prime time declassification special: DC Non-Confidential!”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

Photo sources: pinterest.com, thegatewaypundit.com

 

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

FLOTUS Interviewed by Mueller Team

MSNBC and CNN are reporting that Special Counsel Robert Mueller has now zeroed in on a surprising new target in his ongoing search to prove collusion between Russia and the Trump campaign team.

Acting on an anonymous tip forwarded and subsequently denied by former CIA Director John Brennan, two members of Mueller’s investigative team quietly pursued their newest lead when they recently interviewed First Lady Melania Trump.

The popular First Lady was interviewed at the Walter Reed National Medical Center where she remains after recently undergoing a successful embolization procedure to treat a benign kidney condition.

Special Counsel Spokesman Peter Carr insisted the visit by Mueller’s prosecutors was conducted as a non-invasive investigative procedure, but that perception may change once the public weighs in on this stunning new development.

The White House has declined to elaborate on the First Lady’s condition or its reaction to her uninvited visitors, but both MSNBC and CNN are offering an incredible theory: specifically, the First Lady wasn’t at Walter Reed for kidney treatment at all!

According to CNN’s usual impeccable anonymous sources, Melania Trump was actually implanted with a revolutionary digital device that will give her the ability to download and transmit Democratic emails from anywhere on the North American continent.

To begin a download, she merely clicks the heels of her Jimmy Choo shoes together three times. To transmit, she clicks them together twice, waits a beat, and then clicks twice more.

CNN’s Jim Acosta also reports Bill Nuy the Science Guy said it would be easy for Jimmy Choo shoe techs to program the Romy 60 Lace Pumps Mrs. Trump favors to download and transmit encrypted emails anywhere in Russia, China, or unsecured home brew email servers anywhere.

In another development, Mueller’s team was also reportedly chasing another lead involving a member of the First Lady’s Walter Reed medical team.  Nikolay Orlov, the anesthesiologist that assisted with the First Lady’s kidney procedure, is a fifth-generation Russian-American.

Aha!

Carr said there was much work yet for the Special Counsel’s team to do before adding, “We remain confident that the team’s hard work and pledge to follow the evidence wherever it leads will help our country get to the truth because the American people deserve no less.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. For those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country, welcome. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who tolerate everything but free speech and conservative ideals, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Photo sources: vox.com, footwearnews.com, jimmychoo.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

Diamond and Silk May Have Company

Trump stalwarts Diamond and Silk best watch out because the Democrats have announced a counter-insurgency plan to the popular conservative social media personalities.

California Representative Maxine Waters (D) and CNN White House correspondent April Ryan are preparing an online act to counter Diamond and Silk’s enthusiastic support for President Donald Trump.

Maxine “‘Peach 45” Waters

Inside sources wishing to remain anonymous say Waters and Ryan will soon be tweeting, liking, pinning, and posting under the name Diatribe and Sludge.

As previously reported in this blog space, Waters has been calling for Trump’s impeachment 18 months before his surprising election win.

“Damn this president,” Waters told a meeting of organized labor last Sunday.

Stating that Trump is no friend to organized labor, “‘Peach 45” has also called the country’s 45th president “a liar,” “a danger,” and “the most deplorable person” she has met.

Mirror, mirror, off the wall…

April (PieGate) Ryan

April Ryan has been covering the White House since 1997 as a reporter for the American Urban Radio Network.  During President Barack Obama’s two terms she covered for the White House during various administration scandals.

Last year she became a regular contributor for CNN and is believed to be the only reporter for that network who hasn’t filed a story about missing Malaysian Airlines Flight 370.

In 2017 she was named the Journalist of the Year by the National Association of Black Journalists since she met that organization’s primary requirements: she’s black and she’s a journalist.

During Trump’s 16 months in office Ryan has gained a reputation as a feisty reporter. Translation: she asks stupid questions.

She was in the middle of #PieGate, questioned whether President Trump supports slavery, and most recently asked whether the president has considered resigning because of the Mueller Trump-Russian collusion clown show.

One well known Republican pollster estimates the Diatribe and Sludge Tour could be worth two to three points for Republican House and Senate candidates this fall.

Dates and ticket prices for the Diatribe and Sludge show are expected to be announced soon.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. For those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country, welcome. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who tolerate everything but free speech and conservative ideals, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 
Sources: dailycaller.com, foxnews.com
Photo sources: breitbart.com, rawstory.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

Dems Announce Plan to Sue Selves

MANHATTAN, NY  Last Friday the Democrat National Committee filed a lawsuit in federal court alleging a conspiracy by the Trump campaign, Russia and WikiLeaks to sabotage nominee Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign chances in favor of Donald Trump.

The complaint accused top Trump campaign officials of colluding with Russia to force Clinton to take naps, overindulge in Chardonnay and forego campaigning in key battleground states Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin.

“This constituted an act of unprecedented treachery: the campaign of a nominee for President of the United States in league with a hostile foreign power to bolster its own chance to win the presidency,” Democrat National Committee Chairman Tom Perez said.

On Monday Perez surprised Republicans again when he filed a second suit in the same Manhattan court, this one announcing the DNC’s plan to sue themselves – specifically 2016 Democrat nominee Hillary Clinton.

“We’d been considering this for several weeks, but the deciding factor was when Congressman Nunes (House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence Chairman R-California), suggested if we really wanted to get to the bottom of Russian collusion ‘we ought to be suing ourselves,’” Perez told gathered reporters.

“Even though Nunes is a Republican, he’s better versed on the Russian collusion narrative than Democrats are – even though we helped pay for it,” Perez admitted candidly.

When asked on Sunday by ABC’s George Stephanopolous if the two lawsuits might distract Democrats from the 2018 elections, Perez calmly reached for a stick of gum.

“One of the reasons we’re winning is because people believe that we should stand up for our democracy. That’s what we’re doing in this lawsuit, George. We can walk and chew gum – see,” Perez demonstrated by walking repeatedly in a tight circle while chomping gum.

According to the court papers filed Monday, the DNC claims in their lawsuit:

• After getting the Democratic nomination, Hillary Clinton failed to campaign as vigorously as she should have when Russian agents surreptitiously replaced her Napa Valley wine with Molotov cocktails;

• Clinton rigged the Democratic nomination by stealing votes from primary opponent Bernie Sanders through manipulation of the super delegate process. She also was charged with bribing Sanders with a third home on Lake Champlain and a free lifetime supply of Ben and Jerry’s;

• Clinton was also charged with misappropriating millions of dollars in DNC donated funds, channeling those to her own campaign and a state-of-the-art email server that would wipe itself – with a cloth.

The Republican National Committee had no comment, although anonymous sources did confirm lots of hooting and guffawing whenever the lawsuit was mentioned.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Sources: truth-out.org

Photo sources: rabble.com, breitbart.com, businessinsider.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

Magoo and Clouseau To Help Mueller

On Thursday the White House announced that two-time New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani was joining the president’s legal team, along with Marty and Jane Raskin of the Florida-based law firm Raskin & Raskin.

Today Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s office followed suit with a surprise announcement of its own.

Mueller spokesman Peter Carr announced two late additions to Mueller’s legal team: J. Quincy Magoo and French legal legend Jacques Clouseau.

Magoo is known as a flighty but tenacious prosecutor who has enjoyed uncanny luck throughout his storied career.

He has proven experience in maneuvering around all kinds of obstacles and his seemingly random meanderings often provide unique perspectives that have helped him ferret out details others miss.

Clouseau is a legend in his native France. He has been in professional law enforcement since the late 1960’s and has a storied reputation for his unorthodox methods.

As an inspector for the French Sûreté, his greatest notoriety occurred when he single-handedly solved a string of high profile thefts involving some of that country’s most influential and wealthiest families.

When asked why Mueller was seeking the services of the famed French law enforcement legend, Carr replied that the two met by happenstance last month when Inspector Clouseau’s water skis got entangled with Mueller’s Russian collusion fishing expedition off the coast of Seychelles.

According to Carr, Magoo was hired a week later after wandering into Mueller’s office mumbling about President Trump’s tweets and Russian caviar. Mueller took that as an omen that Magoo was perfect for his team.

Mueller said through Carr that his team was elated to welcome the legendary pair to his team.

“We are thrilled to have Quincy and Jacques join us in this endeavor,” Mueller said. “We’re confident their unique experience will help us connect the dots in proving Trump’s Russian collusion once and for all.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Source: youtube.com
Photo source: Photo sources: imdb.com, pinterest.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©