Biden To Debate Self in Basement

Hidin’ Joe Biden is in a quandary.

The Commission on Presidential Debates decided without telling either candidate that it was canceling the second presidential candidate Oct 15th in Miami, Florida and going with a virtual debate format instead.

President Donald Trump criticized the commission’s decision, saying he wouldn’t participate in a virtual debate because it was a “waste of time” and the commission was doing it to protect his opponent. The president announced instead he would do a virtual town hall today on Rush Limbaugh’s nationally syndicated radio show.

Where does that leave Uncle Joe?

“I don’t know what I’ll do,” Joe Biden said from the brightly colored Fisher-Price conference table in his basement. “I’m tired of finger painting and playing Go Fish with Jill, and my campaign manager suggested we donate all my Play-Doh to college students because they think Trump is going to win in a tsunami and they knead it more than I do.

“C’mon, man,” the Democrat candidate said in exasperation while sniffing the hair of the Cabbage Patch Doll he was fondling.

A second later Biden grew thoughtful.

“Of course, all these tsunamis, hurricanes and dog faced pony soldier shortages are Donald Trump’s fault, because he’s more interested in helping his stock market friends than he is wearing a mask and protecting the American people from black women stocking store shelves and the, you know, the thing described in the Emancipation Pronunciation and the Magnum Carter.

When asked why he wouldn’t do his own virtual town hall with a nationally syndicated liberal talk show host, Biden looked like his questioner was daft.

“C’mon man, Corn Pop left the biz years ago and there isn’t anyone who could fill his shoe-bi-do-bi-do’s. Not even Vladamir Putin’s buddy, Rushian Limbaugh,” the former Vice-President spat emphatically in the mask he wore inside out and over one nostril.

When last seen the dejected former Vice-President was practicing karate chops in front of a floor length mirror and shouting, “If the Coronavirus wasn’t man enough to do the job Trump, I’ll take you out with the Kung flu moves Barack taught me. Aiyeeeee!!!

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who know God has blessed our country. 

Photo sources: Washington Post, Slate

Copyright 2020, Dean A. George© 









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