Vladimir Putin Announces Candidacy

Just when you thought the Democrat presidential primary couldn’t get any crazier than Joe Biden butchering the Declaration of Independence, the unbelievable happens.

Today CNN is reporting that Russian president Vladimir Putin has announced plans to run as a Democrat in the 2020 presidential race.

When questioned by CNN’s John King about this unexpected event, Putin just smiled and said through an interpreter he believed his years of experience as the head of a communist superpower gives him a leg up on the current crop of socialist wannabes.

Confirming Democrat suspicions that President Trump was Putin’s stooge, Putin said by running as a Democrat presidential candidate he could eliminate Trump as a middleman and run the American ship of state more efficiently without all that checks and balance nonsense.

“It’s what you Americans call a win-win,” Putin said through an interpreter.  “Democrats get rid of Trump and America gets an experienced Commander-in-Chief who pledges not to use Twitter and insult his political opponents with silly names,” Putin said while pointing a finger gun at John Roberts of Fox News.

As for his qualifications to serve as president of both Russia and America, Putin pointed to America’s booming economy under his puppet Trump:

  • 4 million new jobs since Putin helped Trump steal the election from Hillary Clinton and 3.5 million since Trump took office
  • Jobless claims at their lowest level in 5 decades
  • African-American, Hispanic, and Asian-American unemployment rates with recently reached record lows.
  • Youth unemployment recently reached its lowest level in more than 50 years.
  • 68 percent of Americans reported receiving a pay increase in the past year.

When quizzed about the Constitutional requirements for presidential eligibility, the bare chested Putin made a dismissive motion before mounting a brown stallion and producing papers documenting his American citizenship and proof of residency.

When asked how he got his American citizenship, Putin smiled wanly and credited former Russian president Dmitry Medvedev and the Obama Administration for providing that and a legal address at the University of California-Berkeley.

In exchange the newest Democrat 2020 candidate fixed Hillary Clinton’s broken reset button and returned it to the State Department with a lifetime guarantee.

The Sanders campaign quickly criticized today’s surprise development when the frustrated Democrat front runner said, “Vladimir Putin already had his chance at universal health care and free college tuition and he failed.  Putin isn’t progressive enough.  It’s time to give someone else a shot – it’s the right thing to do.”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to all those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. 

Photo source: ABC NewsThe Telegraph

Copyright 2020, Dean A. George©

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