Dems Announce Plan to Sue Selves

MANHATTAN, NY  Last Friday the Democrat National Committee filed a lawsuit in federal court alleging a conspiracy by the Trump campaign, Russia and WikiLeaks to sabotage nominee Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign chances in favor of Donald Trump.

The complaint accused top Trump campaign officials of colluding with Russia to force Clinton to take naps, overindulge in Chardonnay and forego campaigning in key battleground states Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin.

“This constituted an act of unprecedented treachery: the campaign of a nominee for President of the United States in league with a hostile foreign power to bolster its own chance to win the presidency,” Democrat National Committee Chairman Tom Perez said.

On Monday Perez surprised Republicans again when he filed a second suit in the same Manhattan court, this one announcing the DNC’s plan to sue themselves – specifically 2016 Democrat nominee Hillary Clinton.

“We’d been considering this for several weeks, but the deciding factor was when Congressman Nunes (House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence Chairman R-California), suggested if we really wanted to get to the bottom of Russian collusion ‘we ought to be suing ourselves,’” Perez told gathered reporters.

“Even though Nunes is a Republican, he’s better versed on the Russian collusion narrative than Democrats are – even though we helped pay for it,” Perez admitted candidly.

When asked on Sunday by ABC’s George Stephanopolous if the two lawsuits might distract Democrats from the 2018 elections, Perez calmly reached for a stick of gum.

“One of the reasons we’re winning is because people believe that we should stand up for our democracy. That’s what we’re doing in this lawsuit, George. We can walk and chew gum – see,” Perez demonstrated by walking repeatedly in a tight circle while chomping gum.

According to the court papers filed Monday, the DNC claims in their lawsuit:

• After getting the Democratic nomination, Hillary Clinton failed to campaign as vigorously as she should have when Russian agents surreptitiously replaced her Napa Valley wine with Molotov cocktails;

• Clinton rigged the Democratic nomination by stealing votes from primary opponent Bernie Sanders through manipulation of the super delegate process. She also was charged with bribing Sanders with a third home on Lake Champlain and a free lifetime supply of Ben and Jerry’s;

• Clinton was also charged with misappropriating millions of dollars in DNC donated funds, channeling those to her own campaign and a state-of-the-art email server that would wipe itself – with a cloth.

The Republican National Committee had no comment, although anonymous sources did confirm lots of hooting and guffawing whenever the lawsuit was mentioned.

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. Welcome to those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who think free speech is hate speech, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see.

 

Sources: truth-out.org

Photo sources: rabble.com, breitbart.com, businessinsider.com

Copyright 2018, Dean A. George©

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