The Dental Plan Price is Right

(Announcer) “Here it comes from the Samuel Smiley television studio in Los Amalgam, California – it’s the Dental Plan Price is Right!”

“Freddie Fluoride, come on down!”

“Candace Crown, come on down!”

“Maxine Mandibular, come on down!”

“Peter Pontic, come on down!”

(Announcer) “You are the first four contestants on the Dental Plan Price is Right! Now, here’s your host – Noel McCavity!”

(Noel) “Welcome everybody, how you doing? Nice to see you. Good luck to everybody, let’s get the show started with the first price offered on the Dental Plan Price is Right.”

(Announcer) “We’re going to kick things off with bids on diagnostic and preventive procedures for members of a HMO plan. We’ve got an oral exam, bitewing X-rays, a fluoride application and two teeth cleaning procedures a year.”

(Noel McCavity) “An ounce of prevention and diagnostic procedures are worth a pound of cure, right? So in pricing these diagnostic and preventive procedures for HMO plan members, whoever comes closest to the actual price without going over wins. Freddie, we’re going to start with you.”

(Freddie) “I’m going to go with $19.95 Noel.”

(Noel) “$19.95, good luck. Candace, what about you?”

(Candace) “I’m going to say $35.”

(Noel) “$35, right. Maxine, what do you say?”

(Maxine) “About what?”

(Noel) “Your bid. How much do you say for today’s prevention and diagnostic procedures package?”

(Maxine) “$49.95 Noel.”

(Noel) “Right, $49.95. Peter, what about you?”

(Peter) “$24.95 Noel.”

(Noel) “$24.95, good. The actual price for an oral exam, bitewing X-rays, a fluoride application and two teeth cleanings a year with this HMO plan from Dental Insurance Store – with the office visit copay included – $10.  Freddie, that makes you our first winner today. Congratulations! Freddie, where you from?”

(Freddie) “Mount Veneer, Vermont.”

(Noel) “Mount Veneer, huh? Guessing your town has undergone a lot of restoration. Never been there. What are the people like?”

(Freddie) “It’s a small but friendly place. Porcelain and Resin families mostly.”

(Noel) “That’s great Freddie.  What prize do we have for Freddie?”

(Announcer) “We’ve got a four-day all-expense paid vacation to…Periodontal Pointe! You can take a plane or a train, but you can’t get there without a ski-lift to this lovely mountain chalet overlooking the Osseous and Gingival Valleys.”

(Noel) “Freddie, ever been to Periodontal Pointe?”

(Freddie) “No, but I’d love to go.”

(Noel) “And we’d love to send you.  And we will if you successfully answer this one question: Does a HMO dental plan allows its members to go to any dentist or must they choose a dentist in network?”

(Freddie) “Uh, um…you can only go in-network with a HMO plan. The plan won’t pay if you go out-of-network.”

(Noel) “That’s right Freddie, and you’re on your way! By the way, don’t forget to pack a toothbrush and some dental floss because they are not included in this almost all-expense paid package. That’s all the time we have folks, but thank you to our contestants, and thank you audience for reading The Dental Plan Price is Right!”

Thanks for reading Dean Riffs. For those who love American liberty, free enterprise, and who believe God has blessed our country, welcome. For those who believe in open borders, safe spaces, and who tolerate everything but free speech and conservative ideals, move on – there’s nothing here for you to see. 

The original version of this post was published at Dental Insurance Store on January 14, 2016

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Copyright 2017, Dean A. George©

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